No, of course I'm not saying it takes minutes on a computer from the last few years with a nvme. The duration in the meme is likely a blatant exaggeration for meming, or for a weaker computer (still a valid criticism point but another topic).

I just tried both. With the first start, Steam vs Epic timers are about 5vs10 seconds, while with a second launch Steam still keeps to 5 while Epic is down to 7 second for me.

These are all on a Ryzen 3600 with 3500wr nvme and a 3200mhz ram, but friends have both worse and better PCs in all regards and still notice the difference.

5 vs 7, even 5 vs 10 seconds on an enough PC isn't and shouldn't be something to fret about. Admittedly, my feelings of Epic being slower comes from still long first post-install runs and usage from 6+ months ago, and in my case Epic opens quite quickly these days.

Edit: Checked your vid, and yeah, something similar on a second-run, but albeit with a flashing Epic logo once, but in a similar duration in total.