and they are not responsible for the feelings of OP. Why should they have to accept OPs way of being blunt when OP won't do the same for them? Being autistic isn't an excuse for being a jerk.

OP talks about feeling like they have to coddle people, and I guarantee they 100% feel the same when talking to OP.

I’m just trying to communicate in a way that works for me

Here's the kicker, you have to communicate in a way that works for people other than yourself when you aren't talking to only yourself. Everyone would like to be blunt all the time, but then we'd argue more and constantly be at each other's throats.

OP should read about diplomacy, especially between countries without similar languages.

Your comment is wrong and obtuse.

It hurts, doesn't it? We might not be responsible for other's feelings, but we are fully responsible for our own communication. By all means be firm and assertive, but don't be gratuitously rude, you'll be needlessly hurting others. They might brush it off, but do it repeatedly and they'll become hostile.

Of course, sometimes hurting others is the only way to go, but it's a last resource.

And others are free to think you're a dick.

That said, "can you not let the dogs tangle?” isn't rude in the slightest in my book. I don't get the tonality in this either. I tend to be pretty dry with my humor, with my delivery being as dry and tone serious. It's a hit or miss with strangers but those that know me get that they're jokes. I don't really understand why OP's family doesn't just chill, this the way op is. I guess they might be protective or annoyed by it as op knows there is this lovey dovey over the top friendly way to say stuff as well. Might be cultural. But I'd be annoyed by this too.

You can be blunt but dont be shocked if people think youre a cunt. Much like we expect neurotypicals to respect the differences in the way our brains work, so should we of them.