10 - 9, 2 - 1, all the same but all mean "one". And one is nothing. But if it's nothing, why I still haven't put that knife into my heart? Or fall off the edge of level 26? Is it hope or is it fear? In any imaginable case it's still no more than just some pain. But here there's no place for pain. It's just a waste of resources. Though no matter what it is, I'm still waiting for that Altair notification sound. Or I guess it's an orange circle cuz the sound is turned off.

I started it wrong (or maybe right and then switched to wrong it doesn't matter). Even though it was like 3rd attempt, it wasn't a regular attempt at all. It was something else. And it's been 14 months. Quite a lot of time if you ask me. Quite a lot of time of complete happiness. But started wrong and not fixed in time was the recipe for failure. I tried to fix it but I was never even brave enough to say one censored sentence. And it expectedly fell apart. My fault. My bad. My punishment. But guess I just never was brave and honest enough. I understand. But it's not like it's enough to start a normal life again