994
submitted 11 months ago by tibor@pawb.social to c/programmerhumor@lemmy.ml
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] AnonymousLlama@kbin.social 80 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Need the opposite costume, the overly eager sys admin.

  • wants to force password changes once a month for security
  • constantly changing security policies to reflect the flavor of the month
  • constantly sends out phishing emails tests, wonders why no one replies to any of his emails
[-] RarePossum@programming.dev 19 points 11 months ago

My fucking uni is trying to move to passwordless, but you will always need a password to log onto any lab device, and to the wifi, so why?

[-] newIdentity@sh.itjust.works 8 points 11 months ago

I mean you don't actually need a password for that when it's implemented the right way

[-] metaStatic@kbin.social 16 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

...implemented the right way

see

...you will always need a password

[-] idunnololz@lemmy.world 17 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

A website once complained my password contained 3 consecutive letters there were 1 away from each other. This was back when I used sentences for passwords. It was complaining about the word worst because of r-s-t.

[-] TheSaneWriter@lemmy.thesanewriter.com 11 points 11 months ago

That's wack. Passphrases are second only to random passwords generated by a password generator in terms of security, character proximity doesn't matter with that much length.

[-] weariedfae@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago
[-] Pyrux@programming.dev 10 points 11 months ago

Then they have you make it some 12 character length minimum string with mixed case and special characters and dictionary lookup so it isn't some common phrase but you're also logging in through a telnet instance onto a Unix system.

[-] MaxVerstappen@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago

As someone in the InfoSec field, I also hate those people.

[-] magic_lobster_party@kbin.social 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Sysadmin: “A clear indication of phishing email is the sense of urgency. We would never send out any email regarding urgent updates that needs immediate action.”

Also sysadmin: “URGENT!!! You must update your system now before Friday!!! Click link here for instructions! Otherwise you will be locked out!”

[-] AnonymousLlama@kbin.social 3 points 11 months ago

Spot on. We're changing XYZ policy and we need everyone to do this training within the week. Wait, why's no one opening my emails

[-] tchotchony@mander.xyz 1 points 11 months ago

Then do this to computer-shaped instrument controller systems that have accounts that can not have passwords changed or the application won't run. Or service accounts, so if you pop in after 6 months, nobody knows the current password and the IT guy only comes in 2 hours/week. And that was yesterday. And no, no contact information present...

[-] HairHeel@programming.dev 58 points 11 months ago
  • Installs antivirus on servers that wrecks application performance
  • installs content filtering proxy that prevents developers from reading “hacking materials” like OWASP documentation
  • won’t let developers install anything on their own machines without filing a ticket and waiting 6 weeks
  • pushes unannounced antivirus updates that pop up OS security dialogs like “Netscan Antivirus would like to monitor all network traffic. Enter your password to approve”, and is surprised when users don’t enter their passwords.

Your corporate IT guy

[-] kd45@lemm.ee 10 points 11 months ago

We might work at the same company lmao. My laptop is borderline unusable due to all the monitoring garbage despite having really fast hardware

[-] Wojwo@lemmy.ml 9 points 11 months ago

Sigh. Their hearts are in the right places...

[-] senicar@social.cyb3r.dog 1 points 11 months ago

They usually don't have a choice. They know this stuff is bad, but they need it to demonstrate compliance with XYZ framework so they can fill out the marketing copy so sales can land a contract with some big customer that wants to know why $competitor has better security than you.

[-] vzq@lemmy.blahaj.zone 52 points 11 months ago

Password expiration is no longer considered a best practice. FYI.

[-] demonsword@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago

Yes, that's true, and hasn't been considered so for a long time

[-] netvor@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago
[-] poop@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 11 months ago

Encourages users to just add a rotating number or other not too secure thing to their password. I know that’s what I did when I worked somewhere with that dumbfuck policy.

[-] fadedmaster@sh.itjust.works 6 points 11 months ago

Yep. My least secure password is the one I use at work because I'm restricted to 9-12 characters, can't be sequential forwards or backwards including keys next to each other (abc, 123, qwerty), can't begin with a number, must contain at least three numbers, must be at least four characters different from your last twelve passwords, and must be changed every 90 days. Oh and it can't include your first or last name.

Most of my coworkers just use a family members name and then change a few numbers at the end and keep a post it note at their desk with the numbers so they don't forget it.

load more comments (7 replies)
[-] Judgy_McJudgerson@lemm.ee 41 points 11 months ago

“What do you mean this password is too short? I use it for everything!”

[-] Lepsea@sh.itjust.works 9 points 11 months ago

"how many times do i have to tell you that your name + your birthday date js not a good password!"

[-] reverie@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

Needs a special character?

Password123!

[-] geekworking@lemmy.world 38 points 11 months ago

Even worse is the CEO.

He needs access to everything and he's far too important to waste time with security.

[-] Noughmad@programming.dev 11 points 11 months ago

This is the reason why those scams are so successful:

"Hi this is the CEO, wire $10000 to this account right now, we need it there yesterday. I don't have time to talk, just do it. Bye"

[-] wholeofthemoon@lemmy.world 29 points 11 months ago

"My files are highly confidential"

password is suburb+suburbpostcode

[-] DragonAce@lemmy.world 19 points 11 months ago

I used to have a lady I worked with who was like this. She had the common sense of a fucking carrot and was dumb as shit. What was weird is she was highly skilled in the one job she was hired for, the rest of the time she would click on everything and I would had to fix her computer multiple times a week. One time I tried to walk her thru something on the phone and I told her to click on an icon, her response was "Whats an icon?"

[-] Dubious_Fart@lemmy.ml 19 points 11 months ago

I bet he also picks up USB sticks from the parking lot and plugs them into his work computer.

[-] Saigonauticon@voltage.vn 16 points 11 months ago

On the other side of things, don't you love systems that return "invalid password: password is not unique"?

[-] Nfntordr@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

The cybersecurity email tests I get at work are so transparent - Hi user, You have an unpaid invoice, please follow link to pay immediately.

I wish I could I could reply no I don't fuck off but I'd probably get in trouble lol

[-] magic_lobster_party@kbin.social 13 points 11 months ago

At my work the company wanted to show some gratitude and sent out email with free ice cream vouchers to everybody. Many suspected this was just another one of these cybersecurity email tests, so the company had to clarify it’s all real.

I think it’s hilarious the thought about hackers using ice cream as bait. Maybe that would work?

[-] Nfntordr@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

Well, I guess it's good that people were being vigilant. But yes, I guess anything could work

[-] flashgnash@lemm.ee 4 points 11 months ago

Evidently not at your company

[-] oshitwaddup@lemmy.antemeridiem.xyz 12 points 11 months ago

Clicks on everything or is too scared to click on anything and never learns how to use the software

[-] kkard2@lemmy.ml 9 points 11 months ago

wait untill you hear "if i remember correctly my email password was {name} {surname} something @ gmail.com... what do you mean that's not it? why do i even need a password?"...

[-] yeather@lemmy.ca 5 points 11 months ago

Fuck my email is (first name)(last initial)(birthday and month)@gmail.com

[-] zerkrazus@kbin.social 7 points 11 months ago

Searches for things online by typing it as a post on social media instead of using a search engine as in: "Google what is the weather like today near me?"

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

Hey. Password123 is progress, right?

[-] sik0fewl@kbin.social 9 points 11 months ago

They made me change it, so it's Password124 now.

[-] Cirom@sh.itjust.works 5 points 11 months ago

... And then 2 months later, "why can't I log in"

load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2023
994 points (98.3% liked)

Programmer Humor

31314 readers
59 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS