All these seemingly inconsistent stances make more sense once you look at what ties it all together. They want power. Over others. Via money. By rallying against a common enemy. Doesn't matter how of if it makes sense. As long as it works and gives them power the Republicans will do it.
Except that Republican voters will not have any of that power, the elected politicians will.
Temporarily embarrassed authoritarians.
for real, how many R voters are basically chomping at the bit to start shooting people? Given an excuse, they'll start asserting what authority they think they're entitled to upon others with 556 and 9mm
they want a hierarchy and don't care where they land in it as long as they're not the bottom.
They think they're not at the bottom
Republicans are just normal people like us except the empathy slider is set to zero.
Honestly 99% of all our disagreements would go away if they could just empathise for 10 seconds.
They all see the error of their positions AFTER something happens to them.
Their daughter is gay? Well of course they deserve equal rights now!
Their wife gets raped? Well of course they should get an abortion now!
They get cancer? Well of course our taxes should pay for universal health care!
They lose their job? Well of course they should get government assistance now!
And on and on we go....
With the exception of your first example that is... The cult doesn't even accept their own children when they come out as anything but a cis-het male or loyal subservient housewife.
Oh, and my friend was r*ped when she was 16, and her parents' church (Catholic) literally told her it happend because her faith wasn't strong enough (must have been punishment from god for a sin).
They have no empathy. Not even for their own children...
Yeah, my grandmother's Catholic priest told her her mother's cancer and death was because she fooled around with her highschool boyfriend. Catholics can't be trusted.
"Catholics can't be trusted." No religion can be trusted besides the flying spaghetti.
Isn't the government being in charge of gas and egg prices socialism, which I thought Republicans were "against". (Unless it's giving free money to the already rich for no reason, in which case it's somehow not socialism)
Republicans are against the word Socialism, but they are in favour of the policies when you don't say the name.
Don't forget that Hitler was a socialist! Of course they like Hitler now, so ...
Or just in normal democracy due to taxes
They're hurting the wrong people! 
My favorite lately is: "I own guns to protect me from tyranny but Joe Biden is going to kill me."
Yes, I want my president to be in charge of gas and egg prices. 
forgot where I was and wasn't sure where it was going lul
Pretty spot on commentary.
Post politically charged comedy here, but be respectful!
