Material possessions and money give me anxiety. There was a time in my life in which I didn't really have much and I'm not saying I was necessarily happy but I was less anxious for sure. Now I have a car and disposable income and whatnot and suddenly I feel more trapped. Like, there is much more pressure to maintain this certain image that you have build, more pressure to keep performing in this society. And at the same time it feels whiny to complain about this because it could be so much worse. Hell, a couple year back I was in a much worse place. But at least I felt like I had the freedom to do things, paradoxically.
Basically, I feel like I have been pushed into some sort of role in society in which I have to work to maintain, in my eyes, useless things while the things I actually do value I have no time for. I spend a big amount of time each week at a place I don't want to be in order to pay for things I don't want or things I find ridiculously expensive all the while my energy is drained to the point I cannot do something else.
Just rambling, I guess.
A general strike today. Down with capitalism.