All things neurodivergent and relating to the broader neurodivergent community (and communities).
See also this community's sister subs Feminism, LGBTQ+, Disability, and POC
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the neurodivergent experience is thinking you're sharing fun, interesting or helpful information in a normal human conversational fashion while they think you're an asshole lecturing them or looking down at them like they're stupid and also that no matter how many times you have this experience
you always think you're doing it the right way this time
Idk, if they think I'm being a condescending asshole in our normal conversation where I'm sharing something i care about...
Maybe that's a them issue and not mine.
People who actually care about you will enjoy and appreciate your little rants about the things you care about. Others can be cast away.
It's all about delivery of the message and "reading the room".
In my own neurodivergent experiences, those two "tricks" I mentioned above are damn near impossible.
In all cases that I have had issues with helping someone, I usually failed at asking myself the following:
Over my years of failing at interaction, I have built mental flow chart of how to interact with others. It doesn't always work and that is OK!
TBH, I kind of loosely define this is an internalized derivative of "masking", but not unhealthy. I have my own little checklists that I can think about and tweak. Failure is always an option and an opportunity to learn how to interact with others better next time.
Yess! This is a fantastic comment, and so kind and thoughtful of you to write it out and share what's helped you. :) I try to go through the same mental checklist type thing, too. It definitely helps.
“/s not /s”
Maybe I’m smarter than you if you think I’m talking down to you while having a normal ass conversation 🤷🏻♀️
No, but it took a lot of practice to get to where the answer is no. It takes some listening to figure out what information they actually need to make sure you only give them key insights, and more practice knowing how to deliver those insights in a way they feel is humble instead of showoffy.
Just look for feedback during the entire time you're talking to them, instead of just at the end or when they stop you, and you can start getting better at it. It's kinda easy to railroad through a thought if you're not consciously trying to watch or listen, and giving plenty of small breaks for them to give feedback.
Yup. This time it'll be different
@LadyButterfly it's easier to share information with a cat, they don't feel their status is threatened because someone else knows something, they just, yknow, think you're making strange noises
Pretty much on the nose.
I've learned to ask first. "I have info on this subject that I think is interesting and useful, would you like me to share?" - so if they get bored, at least they were complicit.
'Fraid so. 🙁
While it made me a good lecturer/educator, it hasn't done much for personal relationships.
...doesn't neurodivergency include depression, and anxiety?
@LadyButterfly Honestly, yes. Though I'm not sure if I'm neurodivergent. I've never been diagnosed, but the more I see people sharing experiences like this the more I'm starting to feel that I might be.
I didn't know I was neurodiverse till I was in my 30s, someone pointed it out to me. It's worth looking into... any ideas what you might have?
@LadyButterfly I've had suspicions for a while, I might be on the Autism spectrum somewhere. I definitely feel like I deal with depression and anxiety as well. I'm also just shy of turning 51. I guess it just took me having that span of time to look back on and see myself and how I felt / reacted to things to clue me in.
Yes, it's really common for people our age to be undiagnosed. Being diagnosed changed my life, it really helped me.
@xoagray @LadyButterfly Has any of your friends been diagnosed? If so you’re diagnosed by peer ^^
@fink @LadyButterfly Probably. I don't know for sure, but the law of averages would suggest it's so.