disabled

My landlady has her daughter, SIL and kids visiting. I really think the daughter is the most spoilt and unpleasant person imaginible. Despite being asked not to spray scented shit in the house to avoid giving me a migraine, she let her 12 year old son douse himself in body spray all over the house. The house was filled with it. I've been unwell all night. My new migraine meds mean the migraine wasn't as bad as it would have been otherwise, but I still feel awful. I could write a book about how horrid the daughter is. Every time she comes, she spends a fortune filling the fridge with food and then throws most of it away. If I ask for some, she rudely refuses and throws it away instead of letting me have any.

Pegasos got back to me and said if I wait a few years to show a continued desire for assisted suicide and bring a friend along, they might consider me in the future. But I don't have any friends now and being virtually housebound, I'm unlikely to make any. Honestly I've gotten so desperate I even considered trying to find someone to marry me to become my next of kin and take me sto Switzerland but who on earth would agree to that? Maybe i should make a mutual aid post about it.

im tired of constantly feeling like im pathetic for not being able to do as much as i did before. as though "as much as i did before" didn't lead to really bad burn out that stopped me from being able to function

maybe i will actually try to do nothing WITHOUT feeling guilty this week

I think I may have ADHD but talking about it with therapist hasn't been much help. Rehash of focus harder , do more exercise, check your diet . paying attention and not stimming for even a minute is hard even with those changes.

Happy "Disability Independence Day", fellow 'muricans.

35 years ago today they passed the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) which prohibits discrimination on the basis of disability in both private and state government sectors. Idk if it's worth any praise at this point, but at least it exists, I guess. We still have a long, long way to go to actually provide for our disabled population in this country.

seriously though...

I moved!!!! I was in a pretty bad rut for a while, and I haven't seen any doctors for anything for 4.5 years but I signed up for a local clinic, dentist, and psychiatrist all at once this week! I hope It feels like I'm free-falling by trusting anyone but myself with my mental health, but hopefully it wont blow up in my face this time around.

Well, I've been feeling more tired than usual (a side effect of my new migraine med which I decided to take after all) but I thought I'd report on my assisted suicide plans. They're not going well. There are 6 suicide clinics in Switzerland. Two don't accept foreigners. One doesn't give discounts. One isn't accepting new members. So that leaves two - dignitas and pegasos. I'm still going through the process with dignitas but i thought I'd also try pegasos as a backup. I just heard back from them and they said given my "relatively young age," they would require additional documentation from me, including a notarised letter from family members saying they support my decision and they'd have to come with me. I don't really have any family, I mean I have some cousins who live hundreds of miles away who I haven't seen in years. They don't care about me at all, they never check to see if I'm alright or need anything. You can technically get 14 years in prison in the UK for assisting someone to commit suicide, there is no way these cousins will drop everything, abandon their kids, travel hundreds of miles, spend loads of money and risk prison to help me do this. So pegasos is off the table. That only leaves dignitas but I know they are also keen on family involvement. It doesn't look like it's going to happen for me but I'll keep trying with dignitas until i get a definite no anyway.

Might have a herniated disc and can't move without pain. I'll be on the floor if you need me.

On top of everything else that's going on, I seem to have caught a cold/cough/sore throat. I want uppies

I just finished a course of antibiotics for my latest foot infection 2 days ago. It was seeming OK. Now the pain is back, I think it's infected again already and I don't want any more antibiotics, the last ones made me nauseated and gave me constant diarrhoea.

And I'm still struggling with my thyroxine issues, I'm so tired it's a struggle to stay awake or prepare food or anything. I was hoping someone would send me a justeat gift card so i could just order preprepared food until I have a bit more energy but my request is going unanswered. I guess I can't complain, there are a lot of people worse off than me needing help. It's such a sick world we live in where the most desperate people in the world have to compete with each other for food. It might as well be the Hunger Games at this point.

I'm so exhausted because of my thyroxine issues right now. It's making it hard to get on and deal with my benefit appeal and the dignitas stuff, but I'm managing to do at least a little something towards them each day like send an email or fill out a form. other than that I am so tired I keep falling asleep during the day. I'm still trying to get the money together to pay for the doctor's note but apparently the only GP that knows me personally there is on holiday for 2 weeks so I guess there's no point rushing right now anyway. I feel like if I do at least one thing towards these two issues each day then at least some progress will get made, however slowly. And i'm going to need to pay for ID documents but have no money for that either. It's all so overwhelming the only thing I can do is one small thing each day.

For once though, one tiny good thing happened. Recently the neurologist said she wasn't going to prescribe my migraine tablet, rimegapant, any more because my migraine diary shows it isn't working well enough to justify the expense. (Apparently a pack of 8 tablets costs the NHS £125 and I've been getting 2 packs a month. The pharmacist scolded me a few months ago for costing the NHS so much money.) She prescribed a new tablet in it's place, but that was only delivered today so i haven't tried it yet. I've been very, very worried about managing without the rimegapant. Last week I quickly put in a repeat prescription request for my two boxes of rimegapant, hoping I'd be able to get it dispensed before the neurologist's letter arrives telling them not to dispense it any more. Today I received it, and when I opened the prescription bag, not only did it contain rimegapant but weirdly it contained 7 boxes instead of 2. A three and a half month supply instead of a 1 month supply. I can only assume the pharmacist made a mistake but I am keeping them. A small victory at last.

duplicate post

Insight into non-anglo European med school for those interested: When you are learning anatomy you always have to use the Latin names, it is considered an error to use any other language name... Except for the articulatio zygapophysiales because no one can spell it. That is literally a rule.

I joined dignitas recently, and was told they can even offer free assisted suicide if someone is very poor, but they have to pay their own travel costs. So I didn't do anything about it for a while. But over the past few days I thought I can at least get the ball rolling, if I can get accepted then as soon as I can get some money I can go. Also my medical conditions seem to be deteriorating and I have been feeling worse than usual. So I decided to go ahead with the matter, only to find that the documentation they need is insane. I thought it would be a simple issue of providing copies of medical records, but no. Aside from needing a ton of medical records, past and present, they want a ridiculous amount of identity verification. I don't have a passport right now but if I got one, wouldn't that be enough? NO! On top of that they want a declaration of your identity signed by a notary, your parents' birth certificates and all kinds of other crap. My father was from Turkey, they don't even have birth certificates in Turkey. If you're unmarried you even need to swear a statutory declaration before a commisioner of oaths, that you've never been married and this apparently costs £100. You also have to provide 4 types of other ID like bank statements, utility bills etc. I can get bank statements, but bills? I pay all that included in my rent. (Or at least I do when I'm in receipt of benefits and actually paying rent.) I guess I could provide a bank statement and a letter from the DWP. I have a government-issued bus pass, maybe that would do too? Don't know what else I can get.

Now, there are several other suicide clinics in Switzerland that don't require so much documentation. However, unlike dignitas, as far as I'm aware they don't offer discounted or free suicide. I have emailed them to check and I'm waiting for a response.

But the other thing with dignitas is they are quite insistent that you bring a relative along to show their support for what you are doing. This is because when people get assisted suicide against their family's wishes, the family complain in the media and it makes dignitas look bad and turns people against legal assisted suicide. But what if you have no family? There is so much to find out about all the hoops I'd have to jump through and they are slow to respond. Why is everything always so difficult?