I want to see your magic license
this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
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Uh oh... Here sir.
A team of magick inspectors has been dispatched to your location to deliver you the physical version.
Remember to always report the loss of your physical wizarding license. The electronic variant only will no longer be accepted after the end of september.
mumbles about the need to validate the physical card every 6 months at an official "Wiz'a'Wiz" store
Thank you High Councellor, I promise not to burn this card while trying to conjure a fireball, again.
You should just buy or make a fire immunity pebble and stick it to your card.
The darn apprentices keep thinking it's a bug on my card and keep throwing it out.
Why do apprentices even have access to your card?
Throw out the apprentices that do it.
They are a meddling bunch - I keep throwing them out but this generation of apprentices just browse the magiscroll all day, don't listen, and don't have manners.
They always think they are doing me favours by breaking into my study and "cleaning up" my perfectly organized piles.
Despicable.
Agreed. Oh well they'll learn in the nether which I always banish them to. Once they get back they'll be useful!
Can you just turn up the happy setting on the world a tick or two? Just enough to get everyone to chill the fuck out.
Sadly I can't alter others directly due to Wizard Code of Ethics... But yeah we as a species should collectively chill the fuck out I agree.
Then I'll settle for ending all forms of slavery.
I'll... Erm... Additionally bring muffins with the cookies to the library (work) tomorrow that I promised in a comment below. And double the- no triple the amount!
I want [a pocket dimensional teleporter]
Granted, your pocket is a worm hole into another dimension, but the location hqppens to be a pocket of the same size and constant, stable connection has been created. Making it feel like a normal pocket.
I wish for you to have a nice day
Thank you. I will make sure to fulfill your wish! Guess I'll go to the cinema tonight afterall :)
How was the movie?
It was actually pretty good! Thanks for asking :)
It was the new superman movie. I don't usually fancy superhero movies, but occasionally join friends to watch. It was good!
Awesome, I still gotta see it but I keep hearing good things. Thanks for letting me know!
Thank you for making me go! Almost cancelled those plans out of laziness :)
The first step out the door is always the hardest. Once I get going, I’m always grateful I did
Words of wisdom right there. Doesn't take much for it to be worth it either!
Just erase me mate
Hey I hope you are ok. I would never do that to you. I hope that whatever you are going through will pass and that you don't give up on living, as painful as that might be right now.
I just want you to know that this random internet wizard wannabe is sincerely wishing you well and hopes you can catch a break from all the shit life is throwing at you right now.
I wish my niece wasn't sick.
I feel like I shouldn't joke about this one as it might be more than a flu, so I won't write a joke comment. I sincerely hope that your niece gets better and I wish them strenght to fight biology against all odds. I know that your niece is loved, because you writing this comment means that they are in your thoughts, and that makes me happy.
Love them unconditionally and you will also give them strength to carry on and fight their body or external attacks against the body. The world throws shit at us every chance it gets, but your niece is a strong warrior who has survived until now. Support them, give them love, be there for them so they can build up their strenght when it's momentarily waining.
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Giant Space Laser that automatically zaps the 100 evilest people in the world each day. Determined by who negatively impacted the quality of life of the most people that day.
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Could you please remove extremism from the human noosphere?
Unfortunately I can not directly alter the human mind as it's against the wizard code of ethics :( But I do that on my own and try to do my best to remove ignorance and hate from the minds of people with the power of projecting compassion where possible. If a human is too deep in their own ignorance, then I try to protect others around them to the best of my ability.
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I would also like the ability to bend reality to my will
Wizard school was a scam, just become a sorcerer/ess and save your money.
Can you bring me some of that "existential wonder" feeling, you know, the opposite of existential dread? I've been having a bit of a surplus of the latter, if anyone wants any...
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Oh! I was supposed to get pickles! Dill, though. If there's only sweet, don't bother.
Your mind seems to be in conflict, but I see that this is due to another person here summoning a demon which is distorting your ability to think right now. I'll bring you potatoes, oil and herbs (to make chips in the oven) to remove the effect.
If this offer is still available I'd like a cool skirt with pockets and a comfy cloak that avoids dragging on stairs.
Read only after drafting response to first half.
To me it sounds like you're not really a wizard but rather went to magic school to become a magic lawyer and picked up some cantrips between ethics classes…
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Which reality? I want tacos if it has them, or ghunsht if it has them, but I'll settle for plzgtsk' or some portabello mozzarella sticks.
What have you done! You just summoned the great Acos'sht'gtsk!
Edit: and they brought portabello mozzarella sticks - all good.
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