The Onion

WASHINGTON—Stressing that he was prepared to remain in the role for as long as necessary, President Donald Trump claimed Monday that he would marry Venezuelan first lady Cilia Adela Flores de Maduro.

“Until we can find a suitable long-term replacement, I’ll be married to Mrs. Maduro,” Trump said in a news conference in which he repeatedly insisted his position as Flores de Maduro’s temporary spouse would not interfere with his current obligations to Melania Trump.

“Cilia is a woman with tremendous potential who’s been hampered for too long because of a corrupt and illegitimate husband. So I’m going to step in as her dearly beloved for the foreseeable future while we figure out a way to give her a proper wedding day.”

Trump added that his planned honeymoon with the Venezuelan first lady would not cost the American taxpayer “a single cent” because of the involvement of domestic oil companies.