Ever have to leave a professional sounding note on a ticket that broadcasts to anyone reading it how rock fuck stupid the user has been?
"User attempting to install software over mobile hotspot, advised to use faster/more reliable connection"
Bob. Bob was a part of a team who did I'm not entirely sure what but it involved network/enterprise architect services for clients. Something like IT infrastructure design for companies without the resources to do it themselves.
Bob raises a ticket because he can't install a piece of software on his new laptop.
Me: "Hey Bob. You want XYZ software? It's deployed automatically"
Bob: "Yeah but it just won't install"
Me: "Logs say it's timing out, it exceeds the deployment window"
Bob: "I really need it though" such a helpful, worthwhile comment thank you Bob.
Me: "This usually takes like 15mins I don't know why it would go over an hour"
Bob: "I am on a pretty slow connection"
Me: "You're not onsite then? Are you at home?"
Bob: "Yeah"
Me: "On what, dialup?" At the time 8Mb ADSL was still very common and more than enough for this.
Bob, sounding a bit sheepish: "Err, well I'm actually using a 4G hotspot"
Me: "You're pulling [GBs] over a cellular network?? I hope you have a good contract deal"
Bob: "Work phone, not my problem"
Me: "Fair"
Bob and I have spoken many times and are familiar enough with each other for a little gentle ribbing.
Me: "Still, that's a pretty slow connection even for 4G"
Bob: "I don't get great reception here"
Me: "Can you move your phone around the house to see if you get a better signal?"
Bob: "Not really, its just a small cabin"
Me: "..cabin?"
Bob: "On me boat"
Me: "BOAT"
Bob: "Boat, aye"
Me: "Boat"
Bob: "Yeah I live on a boat" Waves, waves everywhere and constant drops in link.
Me: "Like, moored up at a docks?" I don't know the terminology. It's like a caravan park for boats.
Bob: "Yeah"
Me: "BOB. Come on you know better than this. Go to bloody starbucks or something. Hell it's 4pm go to the pub and ask for the wireless key" Like maybe Bob if you weren't LITERALLY FUCKING TETHERING you'd have a better experience.
Bob: "But it's nearly finished this time!"
Me: "You tried it more than once??"
Bob: "..."
Me: "Mate. You know what I'm going to tell you. I'm going to close this ticket. Let me know if you're still having problems over a decent connection"
Bob: "Sigh, yeah alright."
ffs, Bob