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I'm gonna go on a limb and say you can't handle polyamory yet. I couldn't either. You need to be so confident (or oblivious) that you don't get jealous. That's really hard for some people.
If it were me, I'd tap out. Maybe find someone who would dote only on me because that's what I need in a relationship.
But YMMV. I'm just a random on the Internet.
Makes sense. I'm fine with him doting on other people I guess but not when he spends way more time with them and doesn't even wanna call or spend time because he's too busy with him.
(Practising my Dutch because I kinda speak it)
Het klinkt voor mij alsof hij denkt dat je een 'trofee' bent om mee te pronken.
english
It sounds to me like he thinks you're a trophy to show off.
It sounds like he views Alex as his main partner, and you're his backup.
Most likely yeah
I'm sorry. If the relationship he's offering isn't enough for you, there's nothing wrong with telling him that it isn't working for you and ending it. It isn't selfish or wrong of you to want more. I think, at bare minimum, anyone you date should be genuinely interested in you and make time for you.
He doesn't even care at this point. He just said "honestly idk" when I asked if he could spend more time with me
Based on this and the other comments you've said here it sounds like it's time to go your separate ways. They are not the one for you because they are showing you that you are not the one for them. Successful relationships MUST work both ways. Both partners must be valued and feel valued.
And once you leave someone, don't go back to them. If someone is going to show you who they are believe them the first time.
I read somewhere that people are supposed to act like their best selves during the early stages of a relationship. If the relationship is early on, which I assume it is, then his best self is apparently ignoring your needs for men
I'm having a similar thing with my girlfriend except she thinks I'm ignoring her. I'd say talk to him and see what he says.
He loves or better word "infatuated" with Alex. End it now before it causes more pain in the long run. You'll find someone who loves you and you won't question it.
A good quote to young lovers is "sometimes we accept the love we think we deserve."
You deserve better. Make decisions that make you happy. The sooner you learn that, the better. No one else can make those decisions for your happiness but you.
I’m also sure most stoners and alcoholics care more about their partner than drugs and alcohol but he is a stoner and an alcoholic and never texts me even when he’s getting high or drunk like he used to, he just reads it but he texts his boyfriend all the time even when high/drunk
So far, I haven't seen anything worth staying with him for. It just sounds like he's no longer into you.
Yeah, dump him, I say
Do you think there’s any chance he doesn’t know he’s hurting me?
He knows. He seems well aware.
Thanks, makes sense
Thank you. Do you think he is infatuated with me too by the sounds of it? Hes nice to me idk
No. Sounds like he's "nice" so he doesn't have the guts to let you go. He wants his cake and eat it too.
Thank you so much :) I will talk to him about this, I’ve been trying to get him to let me spend time with him
Be careful. He'll listen to your demands to keep you there longer. It's a power trip. But we all have to learn on our own. Best to you.
Also I told him I wanted to spend time with him and asked if I could and he said “Sure, if I’m not with Alex”
Ouch. Putting your needs last.
Is he selfish a bit or is it me being sensitive?
He's being selfish. You shouldn't have to feel bad for the bare minimum of a romantic relationship. Your needs are valid. You're still 50% of the relationship between you and him. He shouldn't dictate.
And nvm he’s paying me more attention I think it’s because Alex is a new partner and wants him to feel included :) I overreacted 😓
Edit: He said he’d call if his boyfriend wasn’t available but only then
He sounds very toxic. Doesn't respect you or your feelings. Best bet is to walk away.
Yeahhh, tysm
Hopefully you find someone else that will give you what you want and respects you
Ow indeed. Red flag much? 🚩
Be careful girl!!!
I feel like he only spent time with me because his boyfriend Alex wasn’t there. Like he cancelled plans to spend time with Alex from what I recall and once he couldn’t hang out, i was his second choice
You shouldn't be a second choice in any relationship.
Thanks :)
Yeah… thank you :)
I will talk to him and see if we can schedule a hang out time
Good luck!
Thank you. I feel like he is only physically not romantically attracted to girls because he always likes a man besides me and prefers to talk to him
It sounds like he thinks of you more as a casual friend that he hangs with sometimes. What does your gf think of this?
I agree with this
She’s fine with it, she knows I’m polyamorous
I meant how does she feel about how he is treating you. Also he may be more into guys right now. I'm just guessing as I obviously don't know any of you personally. It also sounds like you are crushing on him.
Yeah, I am. She doesn’t know because I haven’t told her yet how he is treating me she just knows we’re dating
your partners in poly relationships are among your best sources of support and advice. they know you, and they likely know your other partners pretty well too. your metamores (partners partners) can also help, as everyone in all parts of poly relationships should want everyone else to be happy (clearly they don’t want someone their partner cares about to be unhappy)
(that said, since yall are relatively young with poly things, they may not have your best interests at heart i guess… they might see your communication as a way to drive a wedge between your partner and you so they can have him all to themselves… that is incredibly unhealthy, and if they do think in any way like this the poly relationship won’t last in the long term: metamores all have to share)
communication is always the biggest thing. speak your needs, and don’t assume that they know how you’re feeling
it’s also more than possible that they just express their relationship differently. perhaps there’s things that you and he do that his boyfriend is envious of too
try and figure out if behaviours are actually things that you want or if it’s just jealousy… jealousy is something you absolutely need to get over for poly to work: try to develop that into compersion: be happy that your partners are happy. if you can’t, that’s fine too! but don’t let it consume you. in that case, the relationship (or poly in general… poly sounds great in theory, but takes a lot of emotional maturity, knowledge of yourself, and just plain work) might just not be for you - yet.
again, you have another partner: use them for support, either to work out your needs and then how to communicate them, or to deal with the emotional fallout if things don’t work out
I would never do that to my girlfriend. I think you should move on from him but IDK, it sounds rough
You're not bad, I'm so sorry to hear. It's really not fun
Thank you 🫂