this post was submitted on 07 Mar 2026
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[–] akilou@sh.itjust.works 25 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I bet "I have a girlfriend" would be equally effective

[–] purplerabbit@piefed.blahaj.zone 65 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

It absolutely isn't. That'll get the dude to get even more pushy and turn lesbophobic on you. Saying shit along the lines of you haven't had a proper man, which means: His cock. 😓

[–] LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone 36 points 3 weeks ago

Or "perform your lesbianism in front of me for my titillation"

[–] essell@lemmy.world 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I totally read this as a gender reversal thing, having had to say that to a few girls in my time.

I wonder about these things. Is it just coz I'm an enby that I don't see the gendered nature of things like rejection?

Guys can be shy, or pushy. Girls can be shy or pushy... Its not exactly the same but it's not exactly different either.

[–] SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 2 weeks ago

While I agree (Enby, rejected pushy girls too when I was younger) it's worth noting that in public spaces female-presenting people only get this treatment from cis-het-men 99.99% of the time.

Also, a pushy woman is much less physically threatening, so being firm in rejecting them is generally easier.

[–] jaennaet@sopuli.xyz 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm not entirely convinced

[–] akilou@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)
[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 13 points 3 weeks ago

It discourages all the mostly-decent guys just fine, but the real assholes are just more motivated by it.

[–] Grail@multiverse.soulism.net 8 points 3 weeks ago

I've told plenty of ladies I have a girlfriend, and they were still interested. Luckily for them, I'm gay and poly.

[–] ValiantDust@feddit.org 8 points 3 weeks ago

I have tried it several times and it really doesn't work quite as well. There is a group of men between those who respect my words and those who only respect my fictional boyfriend's claims that this approach is working on, but it's certainly less effective. Worst case you get hit with a "you just haven't been fucked by the right man".

[–] jaennaet@sopuli.xyz 5 points 3 weeks ago
[–] krashmo@lemmy.world 21 points 3 weeks ago

I've never interpreted this statement in this way. "I have a boyfriend" just seems simpler and more widely accepted because it doesn't imply a lack of interest. Insecure guys can interpret it as "I would love to but I'm not a cheater", whereas a simple no triggers a more personal rejection response.

[–] ValiantDust@feddit.org 19 points 3 weeks ago

Guys refusing to take a simple No for an answer always makes me think of Elizabeth's refusal of Mr Collins in Pride & Prejudice and how little some things have changed in the last 200 years.

Do not consider me now as an elegant female, intending to plague you, but as a rational creature, speaking the truth from her heart.

Including having to bring a man in (albeit the father, not a boyfriend):

[...] determined, if he persisted in considering her repeated refusals as flattering encouragement, to apply to her father, whose negative might be uttered in such a manner as must be decisive, and whose behaviour at least could not be mistaken for the affectation and coquetry of an elegant female.