this post was submitted on 06 Jul 2026

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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works

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Anon likes a woman (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 16 hours ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works

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[–] FreddiesLantern@leminal.space 12 points 3 hours ago

relax
don't get attached to the idea of the person, spend time and get attached to the legacy you've built together.
be yourself, as quaint as that sounds. Nobody likes the stressed out "I gotta get her or Ill die" kind of vibe. Be a friend first.
if she ghosts you then count your blessings, you probably dodged a bullet.

Think of it this way: remember that sleepover playdate that lasted two days too long? You both had enough before it was over?

Yes that thing, some people like to keep their eyes open for that kinda stuff before stepping into a relationship. And it's a good practice. Other people have that "yes let's go!!!" kinda thing and that clashes sometimes.

Anyway that's what I've learned so far.

[–] Nangijala@feddit.dk 11 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

It's funny, I have had that exact experience with guys when I was young. The second I started returning the interest, they would drop me like I was a venomous snake and go flirt with someone else.

Until I met my boyfriend I just thought men didn't want women to like them back. Color me confused when the pre historic version of incel/manosphere culture began bitching about women playing hard to get back in the late 2000s/early 2010s on various forums.

Was over here like: y'all are the ones who run for the hills whenever a girl shows you she likes you, though. 🤷‍♀️

[–] Banana@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Story of my LIFE until I met my current partner

[–] Nangijala@feddit.dk 3 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

hehe, yeah. Honestly, good for us. I for one, am so relieved that I'm off the market. It's so draining, dude xD

[–] Banana@sh.itjust.works 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

I have moments where I miss the flirting and the attention, but I don't miss the loneliness...greener grass and all that.

[–] Nangijala@feddit.dk 2 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (1 children)

I'm the same as you, but in reverse: I sometimes miss being alone, but I don't miss the flirting and the attention.

And honestly, the "missing the loneliness" has kinda been fixed now that we no longer live in small apartments, but have a house with rooms where we can be ourselves when we need it. We are that weird kind of couple who love being alone together. He does his thing, I do mine and occassionally one comes over to give the other a hug and a smooch. And if one or the other needs extra attention, we put down whatever we are working on to give it to them. For example, he's gotten hooked on collecting fossils recently and sometimes he bursts with the need to do lectures about pre-historic aquatic life and their anatomy and he comes over and dumps one fossil in my hands after the other while he talks. It's the same when I go off on one of my things. Like I can talk at length about movies, foreign cultures and their habits and languages. And then we have a mutual interest in birds. Like I saw a raven fly over our house the other day and immediately called him and we babbled for several minutes about my observations to make sure it was a raven and not a crow. If either of us are out and see a weird bird, we snap a pic if possible and send it to the other and discuss what bird it is if it isn't immediately apparent.

How the frick would I find a guy like that ever again? Do they even make those anymore? I need someone to match my level of mundane weird.

Ps: this is his most recent bird identification pic in our privat chat. He correctly identified it as a curlew. I double checked my bird lexicon. The rest of our chat is full of pictures of fossils xD

[–] Banana@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Oh man I love birds! You two sound so solid and really cool, just so you know!!

All of that sounds just lovely. And I totally get missing being alone/independent and how with the right partner and living conditions you can still get that :)

As for the attention on my part, my partner doesn't mind it when I flirt with friends because they know we are monogamous so it's all just for fun, but it does help me get the attention I so desperately need :P

[–] Nangijala@feddit.dk 1 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (1 children)

Thank you xD I mean, I'm a fan of us too, but I'm also super biased lol.

I think its awesome that you guys have that agreement. There are also many different ways of flirting and the innocent kind, is no harm no foul. And as long as people figure out what works for them and everyone is happy, then who can be mad? I think I have pretty much seen it all at this point, considering that I have always moved in unconventional social circles. I'm a pretty basic bitch, but somehow have always found myself around people who are gay or trans or in polyamorous relationships or are swingers or into extreme body modification and so on (methinks it is undiagnosed ADHD or something like that. Fucking always end up with the outcasts in society). I can tell the difference between people who are in healthy dynamics and those who aren't. Flirting with friends while everyone involved understand the boundaries, is so chill.

[–] Banana@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

I feel like we are basically the same hahaha. I'm a lil freak but as far as monogamy goes im very basic but im also surrounded by people in poly/open relationships. I get asked frequently whether my partner and I are open hahaha, it's a really good compliment tho!

You may be onto something with the ADHD thing. I find neurodivergent folks tend to find each other, and I've been diagnosed ASD (previously Aspergers) since I was 6 years old, but I've watched many friends be diagnosed as we get older lol, so there's some merit to that thought.

[–] Nangijala@feddit.dk 2 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

Lol, it is funny how us weirdos always seem to find one another. Then you know what it's like xD I like having my views on the world challenged. I like knowing people who are different and live different lives from myself. If I had the wanderlust, I think I would have been someone who travels the world to make friends in every corner, but alas, I fucking hate travelling, dude. Planes and airports can go fuck themselves. I have agreed with myself that the only time I'm gonna travel for the rest of my life is when I go to see my best friend who lives thousands of km away. Ain't no way I'm putting myself through all that shit for anyone else.

HA! You being ASD makes sense. I always vibe with people on the spectrum. Always. I often find them to have the right amount of nerd in them to carry interesting conversations and they tend to be a calming antidote to my chaos. I become an irl cartoon character when I speak with people. Spectrum people are nice because they rarely react to my nonsense and if they do, they rarely judge. And, I mean, same with them. They may be weird to some people, but to me I'm like: Ah, my kind of person. One of the first friends I made in my teens was ASD as well (not diagnosed at the time) and she thought I was gay and hitting on her for weeks because I kept pestering her to be friends.

That is so funny that your friends, one by one have gotten diagnosed! Seriously, I always thought I was normal, right? That I was just really good at relating to people who were different because I am a bit offputting myself, I think? So I have been around people with every diagnosis under the sun since my teens and it was only a few years ago that my boyfriend brought up to me that he was 99% sure I had undiagnosed ADHD and that I should stop being so hard on myself all the time. Was like "the fuck?" and then a lot of things made sense all of a sudden. Because ADHD is the only diagnosis I struggled to understand. When people told me about their issues and symptoms I was always like: But that's just what it's like to live, innit? Maybe I'm too stupid to understand ADHD?" and I read about it and listened some more to friends and colleagues who have it and it still just didn't click for me because that's how I feel all the time, but I'm normal, so I must just not get it. Not even once did I put two and two together, dude. Not once. Not until my man spelled it out for me at age 34. :'D I am dense as a brick sometimes.

[–] Banana@sh.itjust.works 1 points 27 minutes ago

That sounds so similar to so many stories I've heard! The ADHD symptoms are so similar to symptoms neurotypical people also experience, it just impacts our (people with ADHD) lives so much more, so it's no surprise it goes undiagnosed for so long. It's really easy to assume you're normal especially when you get good grades in elementary school as is the case most of the time with ADHD it seems.

And women just in general have less research to help back up the diagnosis!

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 5 points 5 hours ago (4 children)

Is this why I always got ghosted? I was beginning to think they were just cruelly toying with me...

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

I mean, I would like first to make a point of order - "ghosting" is when someone who you already have an established relationship with stops responding to all messages. It doesn't mean "someone you were interested in but had no significant relationship with simply lost interest". For example, if you match with someone on a dating app, and then you exchange a few messages but they stop responding, they are not "ghosting" you - they have simply lost interest.

Anyway, if you have people on dating apps consistently losing interest with you, then it usually means that your problem is.... nothing. The vast majority of OLD interactions go no where. This is fine. Most people arent a good match for each other. They might have found someone who is a better match for them, or they may have simply become exhausted with dealing with OLD.

Its like if you thought someone at a party was cute, and you went and had a convo with them, and then they went to get a drink and got drawn into another convo, and then you never saw them again. They didn't "ghost" you. They aren't being mean to you. They are just living their life, and you are not a major player in it, and that's fine.

However, if you don't like how conversations just peter off sometimes, you can significantly reduce this by seeking explicit rejections instead. Be clear about what you are looking for, and then pitch meeting up in person.

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[–] P1k1e@lemmy.world 8 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

This is why you date, wheat from chaff and all that. The day you find someone perfect is the day you can stop looking

[–] Flames5123@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 hours ago

Or if you’re poly you can never stop looking a just enjoy dating and having fun.

I do not recommend poly for most people. It’s a lot of work, and it’s not for everyone.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 13 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (1 children)

or you just stop looking because you are sick of all the miserable bullshit and you just want to enjoy your life without other people's miserable bullshit weirdo nonsense in it.

and you're shocked that... you feel really good most days instead of feeling like shit most days... almost as of how other people treat you has a huge impact on your mental health and cutting out people who treat you poorly makes you feel a lot better about life.

[–] P1k1e@lemmy.world 7 points 6 hours ago (2 children)

I mean yea that's also an option. Being happy alone should always come before being happy with someone else, if at all.

[–] flandish@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

this also works for sandwiches. enjoy every sandwich.

[–] P1k1e@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago

I do my man, every damn one

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

This could be a good strategy to find someone too. People are more attractive when they feel good about themselves.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (2 children)

Typically for a man at least, if you aren't active looking, you're never going to find anyone. Feeling good about yourself isn't going to attract people... being attractive and approaching them is really what you have to do.

[–] P1k1e@lemmy.world 1 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Typically yea but sometimes you get lucky and can have a woman ask you out. Usually only happens when they notice other women are interested in you and really don't wanna miss their shot. In my experience, when you're happy, kind and not looking, they'll find you, and fast

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

Cool my experience has been the oppsite. The more miserable I was the more they were into me, the happier I was, the more they found me unattractive.

I did awesome with women when I was depressed, drinking a lot, and broke as shit. I had multiple women chasing me all the time and confessing their love for me.

Now that I am in much better place, I'm basically invisible except to these really high-strung business women I want nothing to do with because their entire life is complaining about how broke they are even though they are wealthy, who basically cry themselves into a bottle of wine every night because they can't find a billionaire to date them and think anyone making less than 300K a year is living in poverty.

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[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 7 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (2 children)

To be miserable.

And they are very very good at making themselves miserable, and going on a rant about how they this is your fault and all men are awful.

Your job in life is to avoid folks who choose to be miserable. good luck

[–] fizzbang@lemmy.world 3 points 6 hours ago

Listen to the titty frog. This is wisdom

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