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Next Seattle Police Chief Already Fired - The Needling [Satire] (theneedling.com)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by pruwybn@discuss.tchncs.de to c/seattle@lemmy.world

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Today Mayor Katie Wilson announced she’s already fired Seattle’s next police chief after he somehow teargassed Capitol Hill, deleted public records, hired someone to have an affair on the job with, and threatened to fight a reporter all before 9 a.m.

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[–] CombatWombat@feddit.online 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)

But why did we hire an interim police chief who also lives in the Midwest? And why does Barnes get to keep his signing bonus? Are we running some kind of charity for midwestern cops?

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 day ago

Barnes also has a federal tax lien on his house in Illinois to the tune of $86,841.14. This grifter got all of us to pay his fucking tax dues.

Fuck this guy.

[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

All these allegations are really a coverup for Interim Police Chief Andre Sayles's real crime of referring to Pike Place Market as the location of "the first Starbucks".

[–] TheGoldenV@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I thought the punishment for that was straight to jail?

[–] Tujio@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

That's if you call it Pike's Place.

[–] rainwall@piefed.social 1 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)

Nope, you get "limed," which is when someone ties your shoelaces to a lime bike and tosses you into the sound.

The Seattle lime reefs are coming along nicely, although the local sea life is apparently a bit "zappy" from the close proximity to the batteries.