AnalogRegression

It was a psychiatrist that conspired with my controller when he prescribed EMSAM circa 2008. Within the first week, I went to 165lbs to 115. In the following weeks, I transformed into a golem like character. Scars all over my face and body, 5 day stretches of zero sleep and zero food and hardly any hydration to speak of. This went on for four goddamn years. Living in the house of my family, along side my narcissist controller. I even spent a week in the "looney bin" because of the effect on the drug. Guess who was the in house psychiatrist? The very same that prescribed me the drug. You'd think he'd see my appearance and decide to take me off of the drug immediately, which converts into methamphetamine metabolites in vitro, an interesting tid bit I dare say. I literally looked like the worst of the worst Faces of Meth mug shots, tho I've never used meth. The irony was brutal The thought of what I looked like never passed through my mind during the 4 years I was on EMSAM. It completely removed my depression for which I was prescribed the drug in the 7th place after many years of many SSRIs and SNRIs. it's hard to feel anything let alone depression when you're losing your mind and total sense of self including a state of absolute zero love that was supposed to be there for me. The family I so dearly loved were witnesses to all of this, and did nothing to stop it after seeing me drop to 115 in a weeks time. This is just a small but darkest time of my life full of sorrow and suffering. If I had a choice, I'd rather have been born into a poverty stricken country. Free from the medical lunatics that pervade every aspect of post modern American society. Losing oneself at the hands of a "Do no harm" hypocritic oath taker flying monkey of a narcissist of the highest order just doesn't sit well with me. I needed help and hell is what they gave me.

Make no mistake, I have immense gratitude for every experience of my life, especially the difficult ones. These are the signs and symbols I use to put back together my shattered soul. Smoke em if you got em as they say.

What's really crazy, in fact possibly insane, I just recently started up with another psychiatrist after a decade and a half after that one evil fuck. Why would I be doing this? I wouldn't if I had any free will. My entire life, especially my emotions, are controlled and dictated by you should know who by now, if that message wasn't clear enough as is.

My post EMSAM life is nothing but lying in bed all day and night, only getting up to feed myself and piss and shit as needed. Every single passion of mine is gone from my younger days. My motivation and reward system left completely decimated by the EMSAM. The only thing that drives me is the hope of an endless dreamless sleep. This isn't to say I am at all depressed. Realizing that the so-called depression was manufactured in what I can only assume to be the forges of cruelty and hatred. The very same that produced the narcissistic entity that I can't help but try and empathize, for that is my primary function from the day I entered this busted ass world. How could they be so cruel? Is the question I ask myself on a daily basis. The love I have to share becomes a heavy burden with every waking and dreaming moment of my existence. If I could understand why someone so dear to me, would do such things to me, the puzzle that is my life would be complete. Perhaps my next life I would be born a narcissist of the same highest order. Full empathetic deconstruction.

But I digress, I am at a loss for words to accurately and appropriately respond to your recommendation. I understand the need to tell people like me such things, for it is programmed into the societal American society at both ends. Your response is quite typical and should be expected but I don't expect anything when my thoughts come pouring out. It is the release that I'm focused on, but I'd be lying if I'd say some responses to my shares reopen my spiritual wounds for a moment or two, a day or two at the most extreme. This is nothing I can't handle but it sure as shit doesn't feel to great.

All I can offer is warnings at this juncture. If it happened to me, then others like me are out there and it is my instinctual duty to assist in preventing more potential unwarranted suffering.

To end this "rant" on a seemingly lighter yet unbelievable note. A few years back, I noticed that the drug EMSAM was removed from my medical history. Wtf was I? An unknowing participant in a secret human drug testing experiment? Clearly, any kind credibility is of my experience isn't great for the medical lunatics in charge of the "scientific" experiment. That's the only explanation I can come up with.

I am rooted in truth.

As well as other other units of time such as moments.

I can't help but think the DDT ban was done with dilberate intent to introduce newer far more toxic pesticides into the plant and farming eco system. In turn generating massive increases in the medical and pharmaceutical industries.

"DDT yeah you know me" - Rage Against the Machine

On a side note, the tobacco plant is a natural insecticide. Imagine growing numerous food crops along side tobacco plants. Sounds like a nice alternative.

I like how they say the document "isn't perfect". As if to say the Pope is supposed to be perfect like Christ himself.

I miss busting out the Sunday morning funnies section.

1800callatt

One of the most stressful online experiences I've had was me constantly realizing everyone in the discord sees me typing and assumes I'm typing up a novel of some kind and respond in kind whilst I'm in the midst of trying my hardest to type out my thoughts that as my shit eyes refuse to play along with. Some people would assume I was a "foreigner" given the amount of typos.

One of many reasons I came to the conclusion that discord just isn't for me. I experienced nothing but contention using that platform. Maybe it's in the name itself eh?

They might have changed it but the last time I used discord, there was no way to turn of the typing indicator. That blew my mind at the time, in the age of "mental illness" of which we currently reside in.

Roger that. Your virtual signalling has been received. Over and out.

Whether it's right or wrong, I feel those who "share" their "compassionate" acts on social media is just plain weird and offensive to the critical mind. True benevolent compassion does not dwell in boastfulness.

Z I'm not sure but some say Whiteclaw is the new Zima.

You're writing style is fantasticly refreshing. You're synchronicity write up is especially lovely and highly relatable.

A lot of what you describe experiencing bares striking similarities shared by individuals on the receiving and production end of actual patented technologies created by 3 letter instagators in partnership with various "do no evil" forbidden fruit co conspirators tech oligarcharchists and the medical lunatics PhD types supporting them in the name of "science". See "V2K" "voice of God" or "ventriloquist effect".

I myself have experienced numerous synchronistic events and every single one came to me via digital technologies. Many of which presented themselves in a social feed (reddit). The exact thought I had in mind appearing in the top comment, word for word, in the very moment I opened a thread. Funny enough, when I reply to the comment stating I had the exact thought in mind, people are quick to inform me of synchronicity. Initially I confused the term with "serendipity". Incredible stupidity, no?

I'm going to stop here before I continue to ramble in perpetuity as I am want to do increasingly so in my inherit idiocracy in which my mind sits upon.

Plenty of that Israeli money came from Democrats and Republicans alike funneling American tax payer funds to Israel. The two party system is entirely corrupt.