The job skills aptitude test said I otter be a plumber.

I just want to be a dancer...

No one wants to get in your way to worship cock

Ja, zat vaz a gud one!

gAI? gay-I?

Well this is just incredible

If the system has no place for you, and you’re forced to live on its fringes teetering between poverty and anarchy… you may be a redneck.

*Traitour

Is there an epidemic of mental illness?

Yes, but unfortunately no doctors to diagnose it.

Divorced parents don't talk. They just leave each other notes on their kid's lunch box.

Is joke

Haha

You're talking about the people the people that gave you the Statue of Liberty!

I think the funniest one is sausage. They've just got a sausage box. Literally a wooden box to put your sausage in (dried cured sausage, not like...straight out of the meat grinder sausage.)

Want some sausage? Just find the sausage box, pull out your sausage, throw it on top of the box, cut a couple slices off, then put it back on the box.

Butter is obvious, but butter is sold in 250g blocks which are about double the size of an American stick of butter, so that's a fucking lot of butter to just leave sitting out. So you can just do like a quarter a time and leave it in a covered butter dish on the counter with the rest in the fridge.

Cheese can get disgusting. Especially if it already starts out smelling like moldy feet. Even covered in a cheese bell, you can get some horrendous smells permeating the house.

A general European one is eggs. In the US we wash eggs after they are laid to help prevent salmonella. This washes the natural protective coating off so bacteria can get into them easier, so refrigerating them helps slow that bacteria growth which makes them go bad. In Europe they vaccinate the chickens instead. Eggs are sold unrefrigerated and are usually shelf stable for 3 or more weeks.

But I don't really make fun of them for that one.

Try living with a French room mate and find out what doesn't go in the fridge. Hint: everything.

I landed at Domodedovo in Moscow in 2013. Ready to see this incredible new place I've never experienced before, I walked out into the main arrivals area, and right there was a Cinnabon.

I believe my exact words were "We did it. We beat communism..."