I talked last mega about how the dam of my emotional repression was cracking, and was going to break under the rising waters of estrogen.
Instead I went out deep in the forest and picked up a clump of moss. It slowly crept along my skin. Now there’s a thick layer over my whole body. My memories from before I was a moss creature feel stranger and stranger.
About your question of definitions more broadly, generally when a~n~ is defined, other subscripts a~i~, a~j~, a~m~, a~xyz~, are defined in the same way, even if that isn't specifically stated.
The a is what carries the properties of the sequence, and any variables in the subscript are just different ways of referencing the index. That can be to communicate a separation between concepts, or to set up relationships like i<=n that will be needed later
UTC-5 and UTC+4375
a_i and a_n are defined the same way, they're just examining two different numbers in the sequence, but each can only be defined after the previous numbers in the sequence have been defined. In your example, after determining a_0=0, you next have to evaluate n=1. This shows a_1 can't be 2, it has to be the largest integer such that 0+a_1/2 <= 0.32, so a_1 has to be 0. Next you evaluate a_2, which given a_0 and a_1 has to be 1.
This process is essentially expressing a number in a different base, but focusing on the non-integer part. What it's asking you to prove is similar to proving that a number in binary will only have digits 0 or 1, and a number in octal will only have digits 0-7.
Woke up this morning and my gender was swollen. I did use it pretty rough last night. I’ll have to go easy for a few days and work on my technique.
My number one reason for starting hrt was the emotional changes. I had some at the start, but I was disappointed that my years of repression and my trauma-driven fear of losing control and expressing an emotion were mostly able to hold back the changes. Estrogen kept up the emotional pressure, though, and exposed tensions that I could work on in therapy. Today I think there are serious cracks in the dam, and I’m getting to taste the water on the other side. It’s terrifying and I’m so excited.
spoiler
Parents failing you can be painful in ways that run deep, it makes sense that you keep hoping for more from them.
I know from mine that the intense emotions they provoke can make it feel like they have power over you that goes as deep as your feelings, but they don’t. Those are your feelings. They are part of your powerful self that you’ve shared with us here. Your interactions with them will be difficult, and you deserve better, but whatever they say or do they can’t touch what you’ve discovered and what you’ve built about yourself.
After pouring a cup of racism in the pudding: “The proof is in the pudding.”
Not that it doesn’t matter whether transition is “right” for someone, but that the idea of it being right or wrong doesn’t exist in any way that can be separated from a person’s satisfaction with the outcome. If someone transitions and that makes their life better, that’s the whole story. There’s no hidden answer waiting to be revealed about whether they were actually “supposed” to transition. Whatever biological comparisons or categorizations could be made about people who transition can only meaningfully be descriptive. They can’t actually separate which people are “meant” to transition.
For a while, that felt like a comforting lie I was telling myself, and I still worried that someday someone was going to prove I wasn’t actually trans and I was wrong to think I was. But with time and experience, I’ve come to accept that all that is literally true.
Transitioning is absolutely a different thing than skateboarding in some ways, but I think the differences that matter are different than the ones you're worried about. I pressed you with one of the questions I got caught on a few years ago when I was wrestling with things that sound similar to what you've been saying. Over time as I've worked through my thoughts about being trans, being a person, and being a trans person, the things like this that worried me most at the time feel more and more like they don't need to be part of how anybody lives their life. I'd enjoy talking about it more if you want to.
Absolutely. It's lovely