Here is a helpful step-by-step process for any Herzlians still scratching their heads wondering why anybody would hate their utopia. Follow these steps carefully and together we shall get to the bottom of this Hardy Boys mystery. Fear not, for I shall be watchfully at your side guiding you gracefully through these dark dungeons like an intrepid unicorn. Very intrepid! Ready? And, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow!
- Use a smartphone or a computer to access the Internet. The Internet is an invention that allows you to look at rumors and information! Let us pause for a moment to behold this technological creation. Marvellous, isn’t it! Are you ready to begin with the next step? If you are, read the step below marked by the number 2.
- Great job on accessing the Internet! Your efforts deserve applause. Now, I am going to need you to access something called a search engine. Do you know what a search engine is? Let me explain the concept to you in case you never heard of it before: a search engine is a service on the Internet that allows you to find information therein. You can access a search engine by clicking on the highlighted text that you are reading right now. Look for a search engine instance that you like. Once you find a search engine instance that you like, you shall officially be ready to proceed to step 3!
- Oh no! There is a box in the middle that says ‘Search for…’ What does that mean‽ Keep calm, noble adventurer, for through my hours of meditation I have conjured the secret phrase passed down from the ancients before being lost for eons. You will want to select the box by clicking on it with a computer mouse (not to be confused with the mammal belonging to the genus Mus), or if you possess a smartphone, you will want to grace the box with one of your noble appendages. I shall tell you the secret phrase that you will want to put into the box. Read this carefully, treasure-seeker: enter the phrase ‘idf war crimes’. Once you have completed your task, you must bestow the magnifying glass icon with a click or a tap. Afterwards, you must proceed to step 4.
- Your journey is nearing its end. Pause for a moment to reflect on your accomplishment: using the Internet to look up a phrase consisting of three words is no small feat. Yet there remains one final challenge obstructing your path: you must select a search result in order to acquire the information that you desire. A search result is a link that you can click on or tap after consulting a search engine. Think of it like a sentence on a page that you can press with your finger to send you to a new book. I can sense in your face the determination that you are going to find a relevant search result, enter it, and behold the information that was previously absent from your cerebral innards. You must click or tap that search result (as long as it is not timesofisrael), and then, noblest of heroes, your quest shall finish.
Boooooooooom! You did it! You found out why there are Jews who hate Zionism! Let the world behold your excellency, for the bards shall sing praises of your impeccable research skills for generations to come! Strength and honour!
Self-Jews is a misnomer
Now that you mention it, ‘self-Jews’ is a misnomer, because ‘self-Jews’ doesn’t mean anything! Thank you for informing us that!
Ladies and others, the great the writer, columnist and a social and political commentator, Micah Halpern!