dandelion

oof

something something transphobic Silence of the Lambs joke

I'm not a fan myself, but I tend to think about religion and Christianity through various lenses: cultural, political, and personal. People are born into conservative Christian families and default to being conservative Christians themselves. It's hard for them to leave it because they have been raised to depend on it for their community, as their main tool for coping with mental health problems, and because of the risk of being ostracized for losing their faith.

On a larger scale, Christianity spreads through conquests and domination, through missions and evangelism, through prison programs and homeless shelters. It preys on the weak and desperate.

From a political perspective it's easier for Christians to find allegiance with right-wing activists because they are more likely to share similar values than progressives. The Church was the locus of political power before the secular state came about, so the reactionary elements of today look to return to a politics of the past, and that past is largely one of theocracy.

So yeah, odd and stupid - but certainly not beyond explanation, it exists and has life for a reason - and the theology and rationalizations of scripture likewise have life for reasons.

The sometimes mind-boggling apologetics can be found just as well in "liberal" forms of Christianity, e.g. the arguments around homosexuality in which both sides struggle with producing a convincing exegesis.

You got it! It's really an excellent video essay.

I'm just now starting to work through his other works, but everything he does is magic. Honestly the topic of "I Don't Know James Rolfe" was basically as dull as the dictionary to me, but I enjoyed it anyway.

Currently working my way through his "Mantracks" video, which is so far about fossils and creationism.

I'm not a Christian and reject the divinity of Christ, but:

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

from Galatians 3:28

Not sure how conservative Christians rationalize this part of the Bible, have actually been keen to discuss it with someone.

I mean, Paul, the author of Galatians, also said it was preferable to not marry, that it's best to not have sex (and thus not have children), probably because in his mind the apocalypse was supposed to be right around the corner. Meanwhile, the Christian Right generally supports a Quiverfull approach to breeding (Genesis 1:28: "Be fruitful and multiply" being taken a bit literally).

just gently suggesting both can be true - he was problematic before the stroke, but the stroke could also be playing a role in what by all accounts seems to be a change in behavior and long-held policy positions which started after the stroke. Even Fetterman himself thinks the stroke is what was responsible for this change: https://newrepublic.com/post/182504/john-fetterman-abandon-progressives-bill-maher

right!? I don't like complaining about pronoun circles too much because I understand they're important for some folks, but I wish zealous liberals were a little more sensitive in their application.

Often times evading the pronoun question came across to people as transphobic and reactionary. I suspect this was also why so often in pronoun circles the facilitator clarified that an answer was required, which only made me (ironically usually the only trans person in the room) distressed and stigmatized.

Just making the question a little more optional could help people who need to disclose identity and pronouns to do so, and people who don't mind identifying to do so, but still leave an escape hatch for the gender-distressed in the room 😅

not sure if you're trans yourself, but in case this helps: as a trans person, when someone gets my pronouns wrong, it's more important to me to know they aren't doing it maliciously, so catching it and correcting yourself or just showing any kind of awareness or quick apology helps clarify in the situation that you aren't trying to be malicious or denying my gender.

The intention matters more than the mistake is what I'm trying to say - the mistake itself is not a big deal when I'm visibly trans and I expect people to get it wrong, I just want to know if you're safe to be around or not, basically.

Though I should say, once I was less visibly trans and cis-passing, a mispronouning can be devastating to me. Since it's rare, when it does happen, it makes me think I've done something terribly wrong with my gender presentation or the way I am speaking - it feels dehumanizing and totally disturbing now.

But tbh, the mispronouning only happens now with people who knew me before I transitioned, and usually only when they have not spent much time around me since I transitioned. They mostly remember me as my pre-transition self. It's habituated for them to refer to me as he/him regardless of my presentation, and when they look at me they are used to seeing a man, so they don't see a woman but instead they notice all the markers of my maleness.

Meanwhile, cis strangers who have no history seeing me as a man don't know to look for male markers, and what they see is a woman so they never notice the discrepancies and they never get the pronouns wrong.

Not all trans people have the same experiences, though - some are more disturbed by mispronouning regardless, so it's important to understand the sensitivities or experiences of the individual. I just wanted to give you my perspective in case it helps.

🤦‍♀️

tbh I have these kinds of interactions all the time and often the person doesn't even realize they made the mistake - I wouldn't necessarily assume the immediate mispronouning was intentional - in this context it seems more likely they were not thinking rather than trying to openly defy or bully.

You have to remember, most people are not used to thinking about what pronouns they are using and it's a mostly unconscious / automatic process based on quick judgements about a person's gender. Even I find myself doing this when in trans spaces, when I'm taking my time speaking I can use the right pronouns, but when I get excited or otherwise start thinking and speaking too quickly, I fall back to those automatic and less conscious ways of using pronouns and end up mispronouning people. I do think practice helps incorporate pronoun awareness, over time it gets easier to use someone's pronouns and to not make mistakes for example.

Not to say bullying isn't a possibility - it definitely happens, and I've had moments where it felt like my colleagues at work were intentionally referring to me with the wrong pronoun and then correcting themselves with a kind of smirk. That just has a particular feel, though - it feels intentional. Much harder to know from an email like this, though, whether it is defiance or a slip of the mind.

When I was an egg and was asked for my preferred pronouns, I usually got really uncomfortable - I never felt like I could ask for she/her pronouns (nothing about my gender presented as female, it didn't feel like she/her was appropriate), and all other options felt inaccurate or wrong (they/them being clunky and awkward and demanding too much energy from others to change the way they refer to me while not feeling affirming to me anyway, and the default he/him feeling like a lie or even an injustice).

So in my frustration I just started to say I don't have preferred pronouns - none of the options were great, and that's not my fault. Referring to me with pronouns is on others, basically - I didn't want to be involved in that game, people will he/him me but that's on them and I'm not going to tell people that's what I prefer.

The pronoun question was extremely uncomfortable for me, and I came to hate that question, really hate it - and to resent the culture and people who perpetuated forced pronoun circles (this was more common in liberal and leftist spaces I was in IRL, like DSA meetings). It felt coercive and like gender policing.

Of course that's not the only perspective on pronoun circles, I understand they exist to accommodate certain identities that benefit from having an opportunity to explicitly clarify preferred pronouns (e.g. imagine going by Spivak pronouns, how awkward to always have to introduce your pronouns in every conversation - having the default be that people politely ask pronouns first can be a way to take some of the burden off that individual, and make them feel respected and welcome rather than the default assumption that they're either he/him or she/her based on gender expression alone).

And once I transitioned, the annoyance of pronoun circles diminished, since now I feel my gender expression aligns with she/her and there is no more dissonance there, I can answer the question. But I still feel this pronoun circle practice can be problematic, esp. for trans people who are struggling (either closeted, or in denial, etc.). I have sympathy for people who, like me, struggle with being asked to explicitly affirm a gender that doesn't fit them at the start of every interaction or meeting.

well, my problem with bleeding is pretty specific to my wound separation complications- it's possible you would have the same problems, but it's also possible you wouldn't have this issue at all if the skin graft takes. It seems like the bleeding most came from where the skin had sloughed off and the suture site was just exposed flesh.

Still, not applying pressure by sitting is the best general advice, and straining on the toilet all the time could get problematic for you. After each bowel movement I have been told to wipe the whole area with Dakin solution (basically like bleach water), to keep the feces from infecting the sutures which are so near the anus. It's tedious and I have found a lot of basic tasks can become a little exhausting. Not sure how to best prepare for that, though.

In the past I struggled with IBS too, but it seemed to reduce as my mental health improved, esp. once on estrogen. Now it's rare for me, though I got it right before surgery while waiting to be taken to the operating room. So I can somewhat relate to how distressing that can be. For me I can even get nervous about getting IBS, and that can make my IBS more likely.

I would really suggest doing upper body and core exercises, you need a lot of strength to go from lying down to standing without ever sitting or putting pressure on the sutures. Same with lowering yourself onto a toilet carefully and so on.

I didn't expect recovery to be so physically demanding this way, so going into it healthy and strong seems like a great way to optimize if at all possible.