basically none of what you say is true until ~2020 model year.
Ahem. You were saying?
OnStar had cellular modems in vehicles for the last 30 years. They were not “real time” like post-2006, when 3G connectivity started to be installed, but they did dial up the mothership to upload usage data and accept instructions like whole-vehicle immobilizations in the case of theft.
Ignorance is not a good look for you.
This sounds like it should have been posted by The Onion.