This is my rescued Marin Hamilton, that over the years has evolved into a modern take on the old English 3-speed. My former commuter was stolen, and at the same time this appeared, broken, rusty, and abandoned on the same office bike rack (coincidence?). I saved it before the office management sent it to the trash, and got it on the road again.
The wheel bearing races were pitted from rusty neglect and I find SS awkward in the urban stop-start, so after a failed experiment with an SRAM Automatix 2-speed hub I fitted a Sturmey Archer 3 speed. 3rd is a single-speed ratio, 1 & 2 are for hills and setting off. It's a sweet setup for my area and usage, and is almost as robust and low maintenance as SS.
A transportation bike needs fenders (Velo Orange Zeppelins - excellent, effective, silent). The original fork rang like a tuning fork on braking no matter what brakes or pads, so I got a $40 Marin fork off Ebay and converted the front to disk, and put on generator lighting at the same time.
And just now it got some luxury new tires - Schwalbe Marathon Supreme 700x50 on the label, but are actually 43mm, in typical Schwalbe fashion. Great tires though - light and fast and grippy and durable and puncture resistant.
It's a fast and comfortable city bomber. I have a little TSDZ2 motor and battery that I fit each year for commuting the hottest summer months, and then in winter it gets studs to get me through the ice and slush. For fairer weather riding I have a very similar derailleur bike and the pair of them get me around nicely.
I'm pretty sure I've heard effectively the same core joke but better composed. Can't remember it though because at best it's middling funny.