Not The Onion

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We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
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Look, I get it. The gargantuan shit-show that is U.S. politics and the American descent into fascism is on everyone's minds. It's certainly on mine.

But the point of this community is to highlight weird news stories that make you go, "By golly, I thought I was reading a headline from The Onion. You know, America's finest news source." A lot of stories being posted lately don't even remotely fit that.

That doesn't mean political stories aren't allowed here, but they must have headlines that would make people pause and wonder if it's a story from The Onion. Straight up regular, non Onion-y headlines don't fit.

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A Russian magazine editor claims his publisher demanded he censor a book that mentions homosexuality in animals because it violates the country’s “LGBT propaganda” law.

Viktor Kovylin, editor of the scientific journal Batrachospermum, wrote on Telegram that his publisher told him the descriptions of same-sex behavior in a book on animal sexual behavior were against the law because they did not express “disgust or criticism” for the acts.

“Apparently, neutral scientific descriptions of homosexual behavior, without disgust or criticism, now fall under the category of propaganda for non-traditional relationships!” Kovylin wrote on Telegram, according to a translation.

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Self-professed misogynist influencer Andrew Tate believes reading is for people with “slow brains,” according to a recent resurfaced clip of him on X. In the video, Tate is seen bragging that his brain is too advanced for reading and that he’d rather be in constant chaos.

“I’m too smart to read. I know you’re sitting there going ‘smart people read’... no. I need action. I need constant chaos in my life to feel content. I need to be driving a supercar and f—ing fighting, f—ing a bunch of hoes and champagne… going crazy.”

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/42859733

Murdoch tabloid leads charge as big freeze persists – could the mayor please do something about the weather?

It snowed two weeks ago in New York. Since then, the temperature has barely risen above freezing – a temperature science naturally dictates is necessary to melt snow and ice.

But science isn’t enough for some US political critics, however, who have instead blamed Zohran Mamdani, New York’s new socialist mayor, for the snow not having melted and still clogging up some of the city’s streets.

The New York Post, the rightwing tabloid and a frequent Mamdani critic, has led the charge. This week the newspaper claimed that “slushy streets” were “ruining travel for everyone”.

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"For too long, this department has sent our best and brightest officers to Harvard, hoping the university would better understand and appreciate our warrior class," Hegseth said. "Instead, too many of our officers came back looking too much like Harvard — heads full of globalist and radical ideologies that do not improve our fighting ranks."

In a separate post on X, Hegseth wrote, "Harvard is woke; The War Department is not."

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cross-posted from: https://piefed.ca/c/cars/p/506854/gmc-made-a-motorhome-that-pumped-sewage-through-its-exhaust-on-purpose

The 1973 GMC Motorhome was—and still is—a sight on the road today. This groundbreaking RV was just as interesting as its sleek body, with a V8 powering the front wheels and a spectacularly 1970s interior. And because it was the early ’70s, we had a different notion of what was okay to spray into the atmosphere as you drive. Like sewage, which an obscure option allowed this GMC to do.

One of the options available for the GMC Motorhome was a system called Thermasan, which promised to improve on one of the worst parts of RV ownership: Black water. That’s a euphemism for the raw sewage, which accumulates in an onboard tank and has to be disposed of at dumping stations. It’s as gross as it sounds, and it’s why someone at RV accessory manufacturer Thetford Corporation thought there had to be a better way. And so, the Thermasan was born.

The premise of the Thermasan “waste destruction system” was simple: Dump black water through the hot exhaust to sanitize and dispose of it. According to a maintenance manual for the 1973 model, this was done using a wiper motor-powered pump connecting the black water tank to the exhaust, where it was plumbed in just upstream of the muffler. A screen prevented solid waste from entering and clogging the system, which would’ve been hellacious to fix. Amusingly, Thetford called the exit an “ejection orifice.” The jokes write themselves.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/63247016

cross-posted from: https://thebrainbin.org/m/nottheonion@lemmy.world/t/1401572

Venice is being invaded by cannibalistic jellyfish from the Atlantic that are threatening the delicate balance of the lagoon's ecosystem.

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World skiing's governing body has moved swiftly to quash talk of ski jumpers injecting their penises with paraffin or hyaluronic acid to gain a competitive edge, but scientists and ski jumpers at the ​Winter Olympics say if true, it would make perfect sense.

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The Department of Justice redacted the face of the Mona Lisa, a 522-year-old painting of an Italian woman who died centuries ago, as part of its release of files related to the late convicted sex offender Jeffery Epstein.

In a PDF of an email with the subject line “simply paris” sent on July 3, 2009, a redacted sender sent Epstein several photos of, presumably, himself and a woman sightseeing in Paris. The photos of the woman are all redacted with a black box over her face, but the man’s face is visible.

The photos are from tourist locations like Disneyland Paris, the Versailles fountains, and the Louvre, where the Mona Lisa is installed. “We just walked around all over the city not just the sight seeing...we took like 1500 pictures so was really difficult to decide wich to send! :)” the sender wrote at the end of the email.

Archive: http://archive.today/38KfF

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"I typed in YamzWorld into the Amazon app and lo and behold there were all my products there with my pictures from my website as well," Montes-Tarazas said.

While he receives payment for sales, Montes-Tarazas said the arrangement strips away his ability to build direct customer relationships.

"I do get the sale and I do get the money, but customers never get to interact with my website, they have no ability to sign up for my mailing list. They have no idea who I am as an artist or what I stand for," Montes-Tarazas said.

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The finger-pointing escalated this week as some Republicans argued that a major utility company run by Democratic appointees has “woke” policies on diversity and tree-trimming that are the causes of customers’ woes.

There’s bipartisan and widespread consensus that Nashville Electric Service, which serves the city as well as surrounding counties, mishandled the storm, struggling to mobilize enough workers and equipment to quickly clear fallen trees and restore service.

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