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this post was submitted on 14 Apr 2024
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The article talks about how this is not them being assholes, but because if they have more money then their peers, it tends to make them feel isolated and self-conscious and fears about being taken advantage of. They even quote the expert at the end who says "They don’t care about the $4."
You would ditch a friend for struggling with someone? I find that hard to believe.
If they don't care about my money, they shouldn't ask for it. It's just shitty behavior.
True, but people do things they shouldn't do all the time because they are struggling. Like if your depressed friend flakes on hanging out, that's "shitty behavior" too. Are they are bad person who you should ditch? Or a friend suffering that needs your support? In both cases, it seems to be the latter.
If they need my support, they can ask for my support. They're asking for money.
If you can't open up to me enough to say "I need your help," I don't think we were very good friends in the first place.
So, a depressed person who flakes on hanging out is a bad person you should ditch.
You and I are very different with our friends.
When did I say anything about hanging out? What are you talking about?
You answered the question indirectly. Or intentionally avoided it because you don't want to admit some inconsistency. I figured the former, but maybe I was wrong. So which is it?
I did no such thing. If someone can ask for money remotely, they can ask for help remotely. If they can't ask me for help, and they are rich, and they ask me for money, we obviously are not very good friends, because they clearly don't trust me enough to just ask me for help.
So what about the depressed friend who flakes on hanging out? If they can cancel remotely, they can also ask for help remotely. I don't get why this analogy is just being ignored.
If I think a friend my be suffering I reach out to them to see if they want to talk. I make myself available. I make sure they realize they aren't alone. You think this makes them a bad friend for not asking for your help.
I don't know why you keep bringing up hanging out as if it's relevant.
If a rich person asked me for money, I wouldn't think they were suffering. I have no idea why you think I would believe someone doing that was suffering rather than being insufferable. Because this article says so?
Anyone who is actually my friend knows that the way to get me to help them is to ask me because it's something I make clear all the time.
You're basically telling me I wouldn't be friends with someone I wouldn't be friends with. This is true.
It's entirely relevant because it's the same thing: someone struggling with emotional or mental health acting poorly rather than directly asking for help.
Well, not because the article says so, but because someone who works closely with these people is reporting on why they act that way. What do you expect me to do, take your unsubstantiated opinion above it?
It seems to me this is more about dehumanizing rich people to justify hatred, rather than being honest about the fact that they are human too and might just be suffering when they do something like this.
If someone needs my help and is hanging out with me and doesn't ask me for help, how am I supposed to know?
OH NO!
Poor rich people! They have it so hard!
That's the whole point. You aren't. You've just been alerted to this asocial behavior being a sign of someone suffering, so you ask. You just want to assume they are a bad person not worthy of friendship.
Do you honestly need it to be explained that rich people can suffer from mental and emotional problems as well? Taking that away from them is just blatant dehumanization.
Well, if they don't pay attention to me saying "let me know if you need any help," then, again, they're not a very good friend. I can't help it if they don't care enough about what I've told them to just ask me for help. If they asked me for money, again, I wouldn't think "they need help." I get that you would, but I wouldn't.
And sure, rich people can suffer from mental and emotional problems. They also can afford a therapist.
I'm not sure what to say, it's been pointed out that this is kind of like a cry for help, and you still insist on holding it against them. I guess we're still squarely in the time if people seeing mental health issues as personality flaws.
I wouldn't have known that without reading this article, would I? Which was my point.
I originally responded to you claiming it was "just shitty behavior." Are you telling me you had read the article at that point?
That is simply false. You originally responded to this comment:
Holy nit-pick, batman. I was one post off, but the timing remained the same and the question still exactly the same.
Okay, well you clearly know what I meant better than I did.
I literally asked you a question because your post made no sense in the context of having read the article first. And that is the equivalent to knowing what you are talking about. Lol
You asked a question that you answered yourself in the next sentence without my response. This is what you said:
https://lemmy.world/comment/9372718
Now you're upset about a response to your rhetorical question you didn't like?
Incidentally, I never said anything about anyone being an asshole when you said that, this is what I said:
You can try being dishonest about a conversation everyone can see, but it won't work very well.
So, wait, had you read the article at that point or not? If so, what the fuck did you mean? I'm really confused because you are going off on some other tangent at this point.
To explain, I feel like your position has totally shifted with no admission that something said earlier was wrong, so I'm trying to figure out if I misunderstood or if you are just pretending at this point that you weren't actually arguing what you were. So far, you've dodged it with every post, more and more so trying to make it about me.
I don't think you actually want to know what I meant. You've already decided you know.
Don't blame me for your inability to explain yourself.
Although, when you complained "well you clearly know what I meant better than I did" I should have known this was a warning that it was something you did, or were going to do.
I'm perfectly capable of explaining myself. You just obviously don't want me to do so if it isn't saying what you want to hear.
Then stop being a hypocrite, telling me you know better than I know about what I meant, and simply explain yourself. This shouldnt be that hard.
If you actually wanted me to explain myself, you would have done it a long time ago. Whatever I say now doesn't matter, you'll find a way to argue with it.
Oh, so it's not that you can't, it's that you realize any explanation will be BS and I won't let that slide.
That I agree with.
As I said, you don't actually want me to clarify because you'll find a reason to disagree with whatever I say.
Again with the hypocrisy that you know what I want better than I do.
But good on you for ignoring the "pointless" exercise of actually defending your claims, in favor of the pointless exercise of just claiming the other person isn't fault for your inability.
Really makes the implicit claim that you are avoiding something "pointless" very strong.
I quoted the words you said. You literally said any explanation I gave would be bullshit.
Yes, we both know its true. Your ego is too fragile to admit you are wrong, and you've realized that you've painted yourself into a corner. The only thing left is to attack me and make it my fault. So of course any attempt at an explanation will be BS.
That being said, I would be happy to be proved wrong and would admit to it right here and right now. This is one of those advantages of seeking the truth rather than trying to be right.
I'm not attacking you or making it your fault. Once again, you said any explanation I gave would be bullshit, so there's no point in giving an explanation.
I can't help what you said.
"I'm not making it your fault...but here's what you just said and why it means I can't explain myself."
Lol
Yet again, if literally any explanation I can possibly give would be a lie, why should I bother?
So wait, now it is my fault? Two posts ago it was my fault. Then the last post it was not my fault,... But actually my fault. And now it's fully my fault again. I can't keep up with this rollercoaster! Lol
You realize it says a lot about you that you are willing to do this rather than just try to explain yourself.
Yet again- if any explanation I give is a lie, why should I explain myself?
So now we're back to you just blaming me for your inability to explain yourself. Probably won't even admit that you were wrong when you claimed you weren't blaming me.
Do you want me to explain myself?
Stop arguing with flying squid, the guy hates rich people
So I go out with a rich friend and they want to stop and get a drink in a bar they like the look of, they buy us each a pint and it costs $14. Later I have to send them seven dollars which means I have to cut down on my food shopping and worry about spending, maybe I have to cancel going out with another friend.
They don't care about this and nor do you, the only thing that matters is the rich person might feel anxious about their social status? That's total bullshit, don't you think I'd feel shitty sitting there not drinking with them or ruining their evening by declining the suggestion to stop for a drink like I would alone? When do my social fears matter in this equation? Oh of course, never because it was written by some affluent fuckwit trying to justify the fact all their old friends find them insufferable.
'They don't care about the 4 dollars' quote actually translates to 'they don't care about you as a person or any difficulties you might go through in a practical sense because a lingering self-doubt that everyone has regardless of the situation trumps all'
Everyone worries that their friends don't really like them, it's part of being human. Pushing that onto your friend as a practical problem when they already have the many emotional, psychological, and practical worries associated with the situation is a selfish dick move.
You've learned that it's a cry for help. What you choose to do with it is up to you.
But I was responding to someone claiming this was just shitty behavior, and suggesting it makes them a bad person. I was addressing this. It's quite presumptuous to turn that into me not caring about what happened in some hypothetical situation that you just posed to me right now.
But the point we're making is it's not a cry for help it's pushing their emotional problems on someone else in a physical form while refusing to take on board other people's emotional problems caused by their poorer economic position.
'Beating my wife is actualy a cry for help, pity me!' No you're an awful person objectively in the wrong.
Just writing an article about how hard done by you are doesn't change the reality you're in the better position in every regard and pushing your issues onto your friends is not the action of an actual friend. Suck it up or use money on therapy.
Poor people will just cover other people's meals and stuff out of friendship and building community. You seem like a total ass
You're right. I do cover other people's meals when I can afford to do so. But I don't send someone $4 for no reason. You keep bringing up irrelevancies.
And insults are not called for. I did not insult you once.
This is the first time I've engaged with you on this topic, idk what you're talking about. "seems like an ass" is not an insult, please learn how to read or get thicker skin
So you're telling me that if you told a complete stranger "you seem like a total ass" when you could look them in the eye, they wouldn't feel insulted? Really? Because I think it sounds like a good way to provoke a physical altercation.
Nah, I'm not an invertebrate
Insult (noun): an offensive remark or action.
Are you saying calling someone an ass is not offensive? Have you fallen out of the dumb tree and hit every branch on the way down (that’s an insult, btw)?