"Remember-remember when the Linjurd-burg baby was kidnapped? I remember. I remember. I was in Scranton PA like it happened yesterday. I said "Pop, is the Linjurd-burg baby gonna be okay?" And he said "I dunno, son. But you need to recite the Declaration of the Pledge of Allegiance before you brush your teeth and go to bed." So I did. The next day the Linjurd-burg baby was dead. It was sad. So sad. Mom was crying but I think that's because Dad was mean to her about her cooking. And she was a very bad cook. But still everything was so sad."

"And now President Lininjurd Burger was linjurd in the ear-derburg. Almost dead too! America needs to return to its roots. I called Donald-land-o-burger and I told him I as praying for him and I'd help him in whatever way I could. He said "Yeah, whatever." So I know things are gonna be okay. There's nothing we can do - if we do it together. Nothing we can do..."