There's a trust and safety issue, too.

If someone's at an event because they're Brad's friend or Jenny's girlfriend or Tom's sister then they've got a name, a face, and a reputation. If someone's with Tom, they're with Tom and we're going to Tom's Thing with Tom's Freinds at Tom's Place. There's details. "The whatever community" makes me think of events where there's paid wrist bands, a paid bar, and no guest list, or events where no one is quite sure who is running things, or "hey let's split hte cost of rooms with these guys I met from out of town they seem cool".

I don't trust lifestylists because a lot of them seem like they're in it for the lifestyle, not the people. I've observed a substantial number of lifestylists will sacrifice people to protect the lifestyle. Not with polyamory, but with any lifestylist thing; hobbies, whatever. i dunno. Lots of bad experiences. Lots of stray dogs and ronin out there.