How to find interesting friends as a young adult. (lemmy.world)

submitted 3 months ago by weeeeum@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I have many interests, if not too many. From cooking, woodwork and computers. Many of my friends are academically very successful but are frankly painfully boring and I sometimes feel isolated around them.

I like to cook when they hang at my house, I'll try to teach them how, some basic tips, etc. As soon as I glanced towards them again I realized they walked off.

This summarizes a lot of our interactions. As we get to a topic I understand and can speak passionately about, they sort of turn off. They talk to each other fine, but it's often internet drama, school drama or sports.

I'm not in college\classes and it seems almost impossible to meet others, especially others that are interesting and curious. I find myself bonding most to adults but it's isolating I can't find others my age.

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[-] Vanth@reddthat.com 18 points 3 months ago

If a friend invited me over and they launched into an unsolicited cooking lesson, I would think they are a pretentious twat, lol. There's always context of course, but I'm not looking for friends who push their knowledge on me without my invitation.

Mutual interests, or expressed interest to learn more in either direction, groovy. One way info dumping, nope.

Listen I brew beer. It can get kinda repetitive and boring. Sometimes I invite friends over to keep me company and I don't lecture on sanitization and chemistry because that's not what they came for. The occasional friend does want to learn about brewing, they express that wish, and then I explain some things to them. Some friendships are good for the former, some for the latter, and it's on you to navigate which is which.

[-] weeeeum@lemmy.world 7 points 3 months ago

I didn't mention that the entire meetup was to cook together, everyone got to choose what we cooked, and everything I cooked was for them. They were going to college and most mentioned needing to learn, so I thought I'd show them the basics.

I ended up cooking everything myself alone. It felt disrespectful because they agreed to help and they didn't bother to include me in their conversation away in the living room.

[-] MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 10 points 3 months ago

they were probably just there for the free food

[-] Vanth@reddthat.com 7 points 3 months ago

And/or the socialization. Maybe the intention to listen and learn was there, but overcome by the excitement of socializing with friendly people.

[-] MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 4 points 3 months ago

in my experience if you want to cook and have a gathering, do a BBQ outside.
have some drinks and chat it up.
if you have a relatively small kitchen, people will often feel trapped or obliged to help and naturally migrate to the living room to sit.

[-] Vanth@reddthat.com 1 points 3 months ago

I'm pretty darn explicit when I invite a person over to help with beer what it will entail; lots of cleaning, wear comfy clothes that can get wet and dirty, there will be heat and weird smells, and a small amount of physical labor. Still want to come? Cool. If not? Swing by in 4-6 weeks to enjoy a beer with me after it's fermented and carbonated.

And I never invite more than one, maybe two people. Anymore than that and folks are just standing around, unable to participate. If you have a genuine interest in teaching on your end, and a genuine interest to learn from a friend or two, I would recommend changing your approach to how you plan these events and try again. It sounds fun but one-teaching-a-group sounds like very challenging logistics.

this post was submitted on 04 Sep 2024

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