Alright I finally had time to sit down and do it, and I realized in my earlier haste I made a few mistakes. Here it is corrected and madlibbed out in all its glory:

Hell, USA — Up to 69 people were killed and _another 420 more injured after a gunman opened fire at a Pepperidge Farm.

There were conflicting reports about casualties, but Booger from Weiner County Sheriff Department said the number is at 69.

“I heard a popping sound and screaming,” said Scooby Doo, a Fart at the Pepperidge Farm. “And that’s when we all got down. There was Butts everywhere.”

The shooter’s motive was reported to be His penis fell off.

Citizens of Weiner were Angry and Horny to hear that something like this could happen in their community.

President Dog Poo and Governor Balls had their  Lunch and Snakes with the victims and their families.