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this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2024
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One of my previous customers was a mentally ill and delusional elderly lady. She called me about a non-existent plumbing problem in her house, supposedly caused by her neighbor, who she claimed breaks in and messes with her stuff. According to her, everything wrong inside or outside her house was because of her neighbor's sabotage. She even mentioned plans to kill him. Not exactly the kind of person you want to turn your back on, but also someone who would have been extremely easy to take advantage of. I basically talked her out of redoing the entire plumbing in her bathroom, and we finally settled on me re-aligning her kitchen cabinet doors that - yes, you guessed it - her neighbor had 'messed with.'
It was quite sad, really. She asked me twice whether I thought her stories sounded crazy, so she was clearly somewhat aware of her condition. I just didn’t know how to deal with someone like that. I refuse to lie, but I also don’t want to tell her she’s losing it. I don’t mind senile people, but I didn’t feel safe around her.
You tell them the truth. That means if you think their stories sound crazy you say “I think your stories sound crazy”.
I know that steps outside of the typical path of politeness, but telling the truth is the only way to help someone in that state.
She wasn’t asking because she didn’t know. She was asking because she knew they sounded crazy, and she wanted to give you an opening to discuss that.
Trust me. When a person is having paranoid delusions only the truth can help them. Saying “No that doesn’t sound crazy to me”, if it does, only makes it worse. That’s because people can detect when others are lying to them. If that person is so far out there that everyone puts on a mask around them, it will reinforce the idea that people are shifty assholes. If nobody ever tells them the truth then they can’t calibrate their sense of what’s real and what’s not.
It may seem rude, but if you truly want to help them, you need to be truthful with them. That includes saying things that might not be polite, such as “I think that sounds crazy”. They will not interpret that as rude. They will interpret that as honest, and it will be an enormous relief to them to have found an honest person.
My brother in law is like that. He's been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and his drivers license has been suspended after an unrelated episode 10 years ago. He's harmless, and perfectly capable of getting it unsuspended if he puts in some effort, but he can't because:
....allegedly.
He sometimes takes his meds, but it's rare. Those are the days when he's out and about and reasonably normal.
how old is he? it tends to get better the older the person gets. (quick edit as I just realized what people will think. it will not go away. I mean get better in that they tend to get better about taking medication and are less likely to go off and do the really nutty stuff)
45ish
unfortunately not going to necessarily be much better than. 20's and 30's are the real scary scene with that disease.
Not necessarily.
It's very likely everyone in her life were telling her it's all in her head, she gets mad and says she's not crazy...
Then calls random repair people, tells them the story. And asks "am I crazy" because most businesses would never say that to a client. She was looking for validation, the same way people go fishing for compliments saying stuff like "I'm so bad at my job, I don't know how you all put up with me". Even if it's true and they're dead weight, most people will be polite and reassure them.
Tell them that they should relay their concerns to a medical professional if they're concerned.
If they're seriously doubting their delusions, they'll go get help and thank you for the advice.
More likely they'll realize you're not giving them what they want, get mad, and often blame you for being involved in the conspiracy.
But there's a chance they actually get help.
Any kind of acceptance of their beliefs, no matter how tentative, reinforces it and drives them further into the delusion. Depending on how involved her family is, she might have called them immediately, and after cussing them out said even the plumber agrees she's not crazy.