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this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2023
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Mental Health
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Personally, I sought help because I didn't want to feel those things/that way, and I couldn't achieve that goal entirely through force of will. For what it's worth: I still feel all of those things, but those feelings are nowhere near as intense. They no longer control me and prevent me from feeling anything else.
Plus as another commenter said, having been on and off meds that worked and didn't work, I am absolutely still me. I'm just a more emotionally composed and in better control of myself and my feelings me.
I also didn't get there immediately on the first medications my doctor prescribed. They're there to work with you to find what works, so don't be afraid to tell them if something doesn't.
It may be worth talking to your therapist about the fact that you may have internalized these feelings as being a core part of your identity, something that you're afraid to lose. I promise there's more to the things that make you who you are.
Yeah, I think you are hitting an important point and he also tried to poke at it when I told him how I feel about the suggestion.
One aspect of it is definitely that I've been depressed since I had a personality. At some level, I think I believed that this could never change (and that's why I was so amazed when some of the CBT exercises started having the exact effects the theory said they would). Thinking of a potential me without all of the maladaptive patterns I developed since I was a kid is about as stressful to me as meeting a stranger.
Part of it is also that I don't understand the chemical mechanism behind the various antidepressants though, so I'll definitely need to talk with medical doctors about it.