Mainly just not sure where else to post this, but... [cw: white supremacy, fatphobia, child abuse, child death] (dashaunharrison.com)

submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) by hexbee@hexbear.net to c/main@hexbear.net

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I think lots of hexbears could use reading this article. If you've ever thought about or have gone on a diet to lose weight, you should read this article. If you've ever encouraged someone else to go on a diet, you especially should read this article.

Sadly I've even seen my fellow trans comrades pushing this white supremacist line on here many times, which has been very disheartening...

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[-] mathemachristian@hexbear.net 8 points 3 days ago

Thank you for this article!! I wish my wife could see herself the way I see her.

CW internalised fatphobia

She once showed me videos of women three times her weight to tell me that this is how she sees herself and why she's grossed out by her body, but when I asked her if she thinks those women are gross she said no.

She has been dieting hardcore now, for months, lost so much weight with the goal of getting into double digits. This is against her binge-eating to cope with trauma, her PCOS, her having little time to cook healthy and all her quirks around what she cannot eat, or what makes something inedible for her.

I pray it brings her relief.

[-] hexbee@hexbear.net 7 points 3 days ago

I wish my wife could see herself the way I see her.

I hope you tell her that often! I've found incessant compliments somewhat effective, but different people might react to that differently.

[-] mathemachristian@hexbear.net 4 points 2 days ago

Oh yeah, at first she asked me to qualify them with "I think you are beautiful/pretty/clever" etc. because apparently it triggered some "he's making fun of me" knee-jerk reaction in her head, even though she knew I wasn't. But eventually I could drop it and just make statements of fact now, she still did the thing where she downplayed compliments like "yeah but my cheeks are too red" or "I think my make-up turned well", but now she can't do that anymore either because we have a kid and she has to be a good example sicko-yes

In fact my kid started copying me and tells her she is pretty too sicko-hyper It's gotten loads better, and she finally found a therapist willing to take her so I'm hoping it will get even better, though probably worse at first. Her first question was "Why do you even keep in contact with your mom?" sicko-charging and I'm so grateful someone finally gets to talk to her this bluntly and openly, because I have to be the safe and supportive place so I can't. Big things happening over here

[-] hexbee@hexbear.net 3 points 2 days ago

my kid started copying me and tells her she is pretty too

hell yeah, what a little sicko >:D

That's very sweet, I'm glad to hear she has been more willing to accept the truth that she is a gorgeous human :)

"Why do you even keep in contact with your mom?"

We talk pretty openly, so I've suggested this many times. I'm queer and not in contact with my family, so I think that makes the proposition easier haha. Just recently they actually decided to go for it after talking through it with their sister. Once the contact has lessened, more space opened up for them to unpack all the ways in which their mother's own hate for her own body has been externalised onto all her children while they were growing up.

[-] mathemachristian@hexbear.net 2 points 2 days ago

Once the contact has lessened, more space opened up for them to unpack all the ways in which their mother's own hate for her own body has been externalised onto all her children while they were growing up.

Yeah not looking forward to that part tbh, the question alone brought her close to dissociating for the whole day after, it's gonna be pretty gruesome when/if she starts to detox.

[-] hexbee@hexbear.net 2 points 2 days ago

I'm not sure what you mean tbh. I've found it nothing but incredibly heartening and inspiring to finally see my partner distancing themselves from the toxicity. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[-] mathemachristian@hexbear.net 2 points 2 days ago

That's awesome to hear. For my wife it means unpacking a lot of trauma and it will be very painful for her. It will be well worth it I'm sure but it will not be pleasant

[-] hexbee@hexbear.net 2 points 2 days ago

I mean yeah, I'm not denying that it's hard work, it definitely is. But it's healing work and spiritual work - as an aspiring witch, it's kinda what I live for. We cry together and talk this shit out, it's definitely worth it <3

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this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2024

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