i used to struggle with this too, op.

the only reason i don't struggle with it anymore is because i ran out of sufficient energy to struggle.

however, that was not what resolved it--not directly.

no longer agonizing over my conversations had other effects.

i decided that if all i can be is background noise, then i shall be background noise. and that ... loosened my hesitation. i physically lost the ability to attach any kind of ulterior motive or emotional baggage to what i wanted to say, and so, my messaging became more open and honest as a result, in a way i never had the choice to implement at will. it took breaking down to no longer proverbially have a wall there.

and then, at another point after this had metaphorically cleaned my slate, i decided to start over by embodying what i felt was missing. i would be the warmth that no one was showing. i would greet, and encourage, and ask nonbinary question--but i don't think this would have worked if i had not first shattered my own guard and begun engaging my social interactions with totally exposed vulnerability.