Casual Conversation

2282 readers

220 users here now

Share a story, ask a question, or start a conversation about (almost) anything you desire. Maybe you'll make some friends in the process.

RULES (updated 01/22/25)

Be respectful: no harassment, hate speech, bigotry, and/or trolling. To be concise, disrespect is defined by escalation.
Encourage conversation in your OP. This means including heavily implicative subject matter when you can and also engaging in your thread when possible. You won't be punished for trying.
Avoid controversial topics (politics or societal debates come to mind, though we are not saying not to talk about anything that resembles these). There's a guide in the protocol book offered as a mod model that can be used for that; it's vague until you realize it was made for things like the rule in question. At least four purple answers must apply to a "controversial" message for it to be allowed.
Keep it clean and SFW: No illegal content or anything gross and inappropriate. A rule of thumb is if a recording of a conversation put on another platform would get someone a COPPA violation response, that exact exchange should be avoided when possible.
No solicitation such as ads, promotional content, spam, surveys etc. The chart redirected to above applies to spam material as well, which is one of the reasons its wording is vague, as it applies to a few things. Again, a "spammy" message must be applicable to four purple answers before it's allowed.
Respect privacy as well as truth: Don’t ask for or share any personal information or slander anyone. A rule of thumb is if something is enough info to go by that it "would be a copyright violation if the info was art" as another group put it, or that it alone can be used to narrow someone down to 150 physical humans (Dunbar's Number) or less, it's considered an excess breach of privacy. Slander is defined by intentional utilitarian misguidance at the expense (positive or negative) of a sentient entity. This often links back to or mixes with rule one, which implies, for example, that even something that is true can still amount to what slander is trying to achieve, and that will be looked down upon.

Casual conversation communities:

Related discussion-focused communities

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

orangeNgreen@lemmy.world

neidu2@feddit.nl

BoozeOrWater@lemm.ee

KaneLivesInDeath@lemmy.world

shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee

I'm heterosexual, but I don't know how to be straight. (lemmy.world)

submitted 4 days ago by sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world to c/casualconversation@lemm.ee

21 comments fedilink hide all child comments

It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that I experience heterosexuality very differently than my peers. I'll describe in broad terms to keep things SFW.

Bodies are not "hot" to me. I'm drawn to feminine features because I find them pretty, but bodies do not physically excite me in the way that they excite others.

My sexuality is focused on receiving loving and romantic physical affection, and to a lesser extent, giving it. To my brain, affectionate physical contact is sex ITSELF, not a prelude. In practice, this means that I'm very attracted to kisses and don't care about real sex unless I had a partner who wanted it.

If I approach a woman, it's because she seems nice and I want to get to know her, not because I find her physically attractive. I never pursue romance from the get-go; I develop friendships for their own sake and romantic feelings may develop later.

I have some concerns about this.

I've long suspected that there are certain signals that I don't give off. Female friends have called me things like "innocent," "adorable," or "Christian" (lol). While that may be due to my gentle demeanor, I wonder if my unique attraction profile eliminates behaviors that signal sexual availability, such as flirting. Perhaps the absence of these signals creates an impression of purity and sexual abstinence.

If that's the case, I feel like that might prevent most people from finding me attractive, simply because I lack the hardware to speak their language. My actions might just come across as friendly, and I don't want to lie about feeling attraction that I don't have.

Another concern of mine is submissiveness: my physical attraction is centered around receiving. Although I want a relationship that's reciprocal—giving and receiving in equal measure—I absolutely need moments of receiving affection to be sexually fulfilled. From what I've seen, submissiveness is stereotypically a turn-off, and I don't know how widespread that is.

But I'm not BDSM-submissive; I don't want a dominatrix. I just want someone gentle, kind, and willing to kiss me a bunch lol. I want to create a space of warmth and safety where we meet each other's needs and I love the idea of being an affectionate and caring partner. The receptiveness I describe is episodic, not all-consuming.

These worries may sound silly, but being different is a catalyst for insecurity. It's very easy to speculate because I can't measure how much heterosexuality varies. I would expect that I'm a rule-breaking outlier and most heterosexuals have similar attraction models.

But I lack perspective, especially because I've never been in a relationship.

What do you think?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 6 points 4 days ago

I'm pretty sure you just have to like girls.