this post was submitted on 14 Mar 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

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[–] RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works 156 points 6 days ago (5 children)

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 48 points 6 days ago (3 children)

Stop dropping your phone on the fucking train

Every morning I clock into work, and 12 hours later I clock out covered in jizz because someone dropped their phone while looking at porn and turned the whole trip into a goddamn gangbang. I can’t take it anymore. I’m literally knee deep in spunk by the end of the day, because all you motherfuckers are apparently lubing up your hands and can’t get a grip. We’ve all had to start wearing blindfolds when we exit the front so we don’t accidentally get a peak and start furiously cranking our cocks to “thugposts” or “femboys” or whatever the newest horny fad is.

For the love of god, stop dropping your phone on the fucking train.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 16 points 6 days ago

It's better to cum in the train than to train in the cum.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 7 points 6 days ago (1 children)

The worst part is when someone triggers the emergency brakes at high speed and all the cum gets forced to the front of the train - that is when the laser-like leaks of highly pressurised cum cut down everything in a 1km radius.

[–] musubibreakfast@lemm.ee 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

My wife died from high velocity cum. I'm holding a silent vigil tonight, you're welcome to come. Masturbation is allowed but only when silent and discrete.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Get a weighted coffin so it won't float.

[–] musubibreakfast@lemm.ee 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I wish I could but we couldn't recover the body, the cum left earth's atmosphere with my wife's body attached. A panel of scientists told me her limp lifeless body is currently being pulled towards the the outer edges of the known universe, hence the vigil.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 2 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Yeah, that is what cum with the force of 1000 suns does to a human body, I am so very sorry.

I hope she got to glimpse one of the Voyagers on her way out.

May she visit the great surface & her projected information escape this simulation with grace.

[–] ksigley@lemm.ee 5 points 6 days ago

I can't breathe.

[–] skankhunt42@lemmy.ca 27 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works 33 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I love you too

puts beans in your ear

[–] skankhunt42@lemmy.ca 31 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)
[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 9 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Oh, that gif makes me uncomfortable.

I’m saving it to share with others.

[–] MarcomachtKuchen@feddit.org 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I've never realised this text assumes there are only men on the train

[–] Wetstew@lemmy.world 18 points 6 days ago

The women recieved a psychic pulse to leave the train minutes before this image was pulsed.

Tuck and roll, ladies.

Some dude on the same train as mine started masturbating and everyone were saying like "what the fuck" and "Call the police" when he stopped. When he dropped the phone, I started masturbating to the content in question on the phone. Please put an NSFW tag, I dont want this shit happening again.

[–] tias@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 6 days ago

Is it really "not safe for work" if everyone at work is in on it?