this post was submitted on 14 Mar 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

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[–] RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works 156 points 6 days ago (5 children)

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 48 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Stop dropping your phone on the fucking train

Every morning I clock into work, and 12 hours later I clock out covered in jizz because someone dropped their phone while looking at porn and turned the whole trip into a goddamn gangbang. I can’t take it anymore. I’m literally knee deep in spunk by the end of the day, because all you motherfuckers are apparently lubing up your hands and can’t get a grip. We’ve all had to start wearing blindfolds when we exit the front so we don’t accidentally get a peak and start furiously cranking our cocks to “thugposts” or “femboys” or whatever the newest horny fad is.

For the love of god, stop dropping your phone on the fucking train.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 16 points 5 days ago

It's better to cum in the train than to train in the cum.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

The worst part is when someone triggers the emergency brakes at high speed and all the cum gets forced to the front of the train - that is when the laser-like leaks of highly pressurised cum cut down everything in a 1km radius.

[–] musubibreakfast@lemm.ee 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

My wife died from high velocity cum. I'm holding a silent vigil tonight, you're welcome to come. Masturbation is allowed but only when silent and discrete.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 4 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Get a weighted coffin so it won't float.

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[–] ksigley@lemm.ee 5 points 5 days ago

I can't breathe.

[–] skankhunt42@lemmy.ca 27 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works 33 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I love you too

puts beans in your ear

[–] skankhunt42@lemmy.ca 31 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)
[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 9 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Oh, that gif makes me uncomfortable.

I’m saving it to share with others.

[–] MarcomachtKuchen@feddit.org 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I've never realised this text assumes there are only men on the train

[–] Wetstew@lemmy.world 18 points 6 days ago

The women recieved a psychic pulse to leave the train minutes before this image was pulsed.

Tuck and roll, ladies.

Some dude on the same train as mine started masturbating and everyone were saying like "what the fuck" and "Call the police" when he stopped. When he dropped the phone, I started masturbating to the content in question on the phone. Please put an NSFW tag, I dont want this shit happening again.

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[–] girlthing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 37 points 5 days ago

You know, I spent a lot of time today obsessing over how bad the world is getting, and wondering what the point of it all is.

This. It's this. I stick around for the weird motherfuckers who'll do shit like this, and share it on the internet.

If I must live through yet another apocaplyse, I want to do it with you.

[–] TheRtRevKaiser@sh.itjust.works 55 points 6 days ago (3 children)

What the actual fuck is that image on the screen?

[–] bunnyBoy@pawb.social 24 points 5 days ago

Chica and Bonnie from FNAF

[–] caseyweederman@lemmy.ca 15 points 5 days ago

Bowling alley animations

[–] Speiser0@feddit.org 21 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] girlthing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 5 days ago

Underrated AF.

[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 20 points 5 days ago

Thanks, I hate it.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 38 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Dr. Seuss character lookin' legs.

[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 33 points 6 days ago (2 children)
[–] WR5@lemmy.world 19 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I ruined my search history for you: https://tinyurl.com/mra5wd35. Apparently rule34 from "Five Nights at Freddie's" game, characters called Toy Chica and Toy Bonnie.

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[–] InnerScientist@lemmy.world 23 points 5 days ago

What a terrible day to have eyes.

[–] bunnyBoy@pawb.social 28 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Damn, I just shaved my legs for the first time because I thought it would be fun (It definitely is interesting) like a week ago and missed the opportunity to do something like this for a laugh.

[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 19 points 5 days ago (3 children)

So, I actually shaved all body hair (save for the gentlemen’s region) in high school for big swim meets - it was a thing that the swim team did. Doesn’t actually make a meaningful difference unless you’re legitimately an Olympic-level competitor. I was always SUPER thrown off trying to sleep the night before the meet because sheets feel SO WEIRD on my skin without any hair on my limbs and chest.

[–] musubibreakfast@lemm.ee 10 points 5 days ago

This is why you cover your bed sheets in vaseline and motor oil, amateur.

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[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 10 points 5 days ago (1 children)

just curious, when you were done how much did you miss? my first time I missed so much 😭

[–] bunnyBoy@pawb.social 3 points 4 days ago

I missed quite a but, but my plan was always to shave and then Nair, so I gave it a day to let my skin recover from and shaving cuts/irritation, and the chemicals did the rest.

[–] Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 30 points 6 days ago

Damn girl. Looking fine

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 7 points 4 days ago

This should be illegal.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 12 points 5 days ago

I would hate to presume things but I can just tell this person just installed the Justin Bieber Linux distro on their computer (and obviously not the Hannah Montana Linux).

[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 11 points 5 days ago

I bet dude started to periodically shave his legs after this. The smoothness made him realize that women don't really shave their legs for men.

[–] SlopppyEngineer@lemmy.world 18 points 6 days ago

What bet did you lose?

[–] klobuerschtler@lemm.ee 17 points 6 days ago

This is modern art.

[–] Thorry84@feddit.nl 11 points 5 days ago

I'm not even sure this guy is using Arch...

[–] zecg@lemmy.world 13 points 6 days ago

This is a programmer who only learns the functions xe needs

[–] RizzoTheSmall@lemm.ee 10 points 5 days ago

That cherry Mx keyboard is pretty cash yo

[–] Object@sh.itjust.works 12 points 6 days ago

Config pls???

[–] Draegur@lemm.ee 12 points 6 days ago

Thanks I hate it

[–] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 4 points 4 days ago

What's the video he's watching? Asking for a friend.

[–] saltnotsugar@lemm.ee 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

If the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland became a human.

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[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

So when did you escape from the Whoville Huskau?

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[–] 0ops@lemm.ee 5 points 5 days ago

Easy, tiger

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