this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2025
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In 2014 I tried an experiment. I let my profile run for two months. First couple of weeks I used a standard headshot type picture. Nothing. Then I switched to a picture of me playing the guitar. A couple of hits. Finally I switched to a picture of me wearing headphones and fiddling with my old sequencer. Tons of hits.
If you can't hit them with good looks (I'm not handsome) then at least use an interesting photo that tells a story and showcases an unusual or unique thing about you in a positive light.
Bingo! Can't remember the pics I used, but I went for several different looks so women would know what they were getting into, not just my very best. That comes across honest, because it is.
Aimed for pics of me doing interesting and active things like kayaking and cooking and such. No dead animals, hot rods, motorcycles, bros, etc. No stereotypical manly bullshit.
Also, inject some humor. Like an old friend told me about sales, "If they're laughing, they're buying." On one post I ended with, "And as god as my witness, I hate NASCAR." Ended up married to a huge NASCAR fan.
Pro tip for the guys: Setup an account as a woman looking for a man. Take an afternoon and dig around. See what the other guys are doing? Do not do that shit.
My wife still remembers one of the profile pics I had - I was goofing around wearing a super-sized cereal box on my head.
Had that one, a "normal" shot that was my profile picture, and some casual shot I don't remember now. Put that one up on my sister's advice, and that's the one that still stands out in my wife's mind!
I swear humans use confidence and humor the same way peacocks use tails. If you're comfortable being silly, it says a lot about where you're at socially.
There's an adorable phone game called "Tender" where you go on dates with various aliens via a Tinder-like app. That game did a good job showcasing different styles of profile and profile pic--highly recommend. Also, fun.
I don't recommend really setting up a fake profile, since that kind of selfishly pees in the pool.
Talk to your women friends. Ask them to show you what they're seeing and what they dislike.
(If you don't have any women friends, that's kind of a red flag you should give some thinking on)
Along those lines, ask dates what they've experienced. You'll get some wild conversation starters!
And BTW, I cancelled the one account I made to experiment with.