this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2025
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Agreed that the capitalist commodification of love sucks, but also, who even does things IRL anymore? And if you do, success rate isn't that great either, unless you abide by rules 1 and 2.
I'm no longer single, but when I was, there were two main activities I did outside of work. Gym - a place where it just feels wrong to approach women. And women never approached me. Bar - cozy local small community place where I had plenty of great conversations with a lot of people, many of whom were women, but most were in relationships already. Maybe it's the same for women as it is for men, where in a relationship you're more confident and thus have an easier time talking to strangers. Made some friends though.
When I was on Tinder, though, with my fairly mediocre appearance, I'd still get matches. Not every day, but at least a couple a month in even the slower periods and like half of them evolved into at least conversations (not a simple "hey" -> unmatch). Met some IRL. Both times I've been on Tinder, I eventually found someone there, though it was over a year in both cases (nearly 3 years second time). And both times the person I found was someone who'd pretty much just joined. I don't live in what I'd call a big city though.
Nowadays, I also work from home with no office option (unless I rent one for myself), so even shitting where I eat is not an option if I become single. What DO people do in their free time where they meet new people, besides nightlife activities? I'm not interested in drinking 2-3 nights a week anymore lol
Hobbies, classes, sports teams, volunteering
If you want to meet women, take a pottery class, join a softball league, take knitting lessons, join a book club, volunteer at a local animal shelter, go to the library regularly, join a protest, join a running or biking group, or even look around on one of those meetup apps for activities in your area
Maybe your problem was that you only went to your gym and your bar, instead of trying to meet new people? The point is, it's easy to get stuck into a routine, and swiping on Tinder often becomes part of the routine
I guess I wasn't super actively trying to meet new people, I was focusing more on my career. Most of those activities unfortunately sound boring to me. Biking group sounds nice. In fact, the only two ways I can do cardio is with a podcast or with other people. Otherwise I go flat out because to my ADHD mind, the end goal of all movement is to get to your destination ASAP. Book club sounds like a great way to get some accountability for my total lack of a reading habit these past few years, so I might look into that as well. There apparently is at least one in my city. As a kid I'd read several books a week, now it's several years per book :(
Isn't great? Eh I'm 1 for 1 and I most certainly do not follow rule one or two. Just talked and made it work with a friend of a friend