I just feel like: if my life isn't where I wanted it to be by this point, why should I be courteous to others. There's no reciprocity from them anyways. All I do is live this rut of go work, home and sleep. I know nobody nearby who I can relate to. It drives me crazy how I haven't met any of these milestones for career, family, or friends. I'm just by myself, screaming explitives into a digital void.
I just don't like anybody because of that. I don't like my coworkers and their simple Maga brains, I don't like my rural locality and it's dependency on service work for the elderly. I don't like any of the workers in those services because of how cowed they are and how short they sell themselves. Part of me thinks they deserve their misery for putting up with it all the time. I don't like the conservative culture of my area and how it limits who I can relate to on a personal level. All this just makes me not like people in general and I feel myself becoming more embittered these days. And even if was more amenable like I used to be, experience has told me that people still wouldn't want to bother with me anyways. Idk, these days I have such a jaded view of everyone around me.
I personally take the opposite approach. If everyone else is as miserable as I am then I should go out of my way to be kind to them and make them less miserable.
I'm not going to do that, I've always been a third wheel in these situations and I'm not going to make a fool of myself trying to help these ungrateful people.
I think that's probably why you're feeling the way you are though. It sucks to be the first to reach out a hand every time but once in a while someone worthwhile takes it and that makes it all mean something. To me anyway. If community will not magically appear at your doorstep then you have to build it yourself
I've never really had long term friends. Frankly I just feel it's easier to accept the capitalist paradigm that all the people around me are self interested little units that don't live beyond their own self gratification. The workers don't want solidarity and community, they want Popeyes, they want Disney cruises, or at least they want their next cigarette break They want treats and will burn down the world to get them. They don't give a damn about me beyond what I can provide for them (probably free pizza). They have no time to think beyond that and are being conditioned to only think in those terms.