this post was submitted on 19 May 2026
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No, no, as a fellow ~~velocirap~~ er... human being, I tell you it's ok to say you hate all men. Because it's extremely easy to prove you are not an absolute POS and therefore be an exception to the rule. You just need to be a decent human being and poof you're an exception to the rule of "I hate all men". Because that rule is referred to the majority of assholes that roam around, not to every single man without exception.
Edit: I love the amount of people angry at me because I said that the only thing a man has to do to not be in the "hated list" is to be a decent human being as if I were asking them to climb the fucking Everest barehanded.
Give me a damn break..
Here is why what you're saying is problematic:
Does this sound okay to you?
Hating people because of their gender is bigotry, and if you use "all" to mean "most" that is a misuse of language
You must be one of those getting offended when women pick the bear in the forest, huh?
There is real blowback to marginalized people with these shorthands, though: https://www.tumblr.com/luckyladylily/752119106260615168/so-a-few-months-ago-there-was-the-discourse-about.
In a similar manner, it's long been a consideration within black communities the ways that black men get targeted in ways unique – though particular – from black women, for being both black and male, and how purportedly generalized anxieties about men will often get triggered with frequency towards black men and then lean on racism to ensure some sort of enactment to quell that anxiety.
Honestly, changing the saying to "I hate most men" is a really minor change and would cover for criticism from those asshole men. And it makes more sense for our usage.
Meh, easier to get mad at you and refuse to change because they can't possibly be making a mistake
Exactly the same as when they say "all men are dangerous" instead of "all unknown men have the potential to be dangerous"
They are already refusing to change though. "I hate all men" clearly it's really winning them over, and it just makes it easier to discredit us as misandrists.
Everything is becoming so polarized that we are losing nuance. If we ever want to actually change things for the better, we have to stop reaching for the easy slogans and bring the nuance back.
But then less men would self-identify as assholes in the responses.
Don't worry, they will find a way to show us they are assholes. They always do.
Plenty of men will quickly agree that men suck. If they they don't, they're either extremely naivë, from a different culture where men being awful isn't the norm, or they're not an exception for good reason.
As a man, I've been mistreated by men, both while I was growing up and in adulthood. Nobody ever cared about my problems or trauma because when they look at me all they see is "Man = Privileged" and they don't care about my problems, emotions, or well-being. Clearly they've never read bell hooks if they think that makes them a feminist.
It's always the oppression olympics: "No, you can't have any problems or trauma, because what about all these other people whose problems and trauma are worse." This isn't a fucking competition, dude. Patriarchy hurts men too, and it doesn't justify misandry.
"Stick it to the man" means "the authorities and arbitrary structures of power," not "some random dude down the street because he has no friends and that makes him an easy target."
Are you responding to the wrong person? If you are just looking for a place to stick your point, then cool.
I agree that it sucks that awful people dismiss the problems of others for reasons as stupid as gender. Anyone who uses their own trauma or disadvantages to try to shutdown others talking about their own problems are also bad.
Also, if anything I'm also a victim of those mechanism of how patriarchy hurts men? So yeah. It's not great.
And yet despite all of the things we seem to agree on, I still feel men suck and I think more men should be saying it.
It's more accurate to say that patriarchal culture sucks rather than men in general.
...clever girl.
You must be a blast at parties. So hateful.
Is it difficult for you becoming an exception like I mentioned in my comment?
I'm deeply sorry for pointing out your prejudice.
No, no, it's fine. I'm ok with people thinking I'm a prejudiced bitch because I think decent men are an exception and not the general rule.
Glad you make exceptions when you find "one of the good ones"
"You're a credit to your gender!"
They're right, I understand how women are victimized. That's not an excuse to internalize bigotry and it is an issue you should work on.
This is not defending the men who do victimize women of which there are many, it's a stance against generalizations and the inbuilt prejudices they normalize in culture.
I know this argument all too well because I've heard it used too many times by racists.
Look, I don't have to work on making men become decent towards women.
As I've explained, it's extremely easy to become an exception to the present rule yet you are getting concerned about me hating the whole male collective because I said that all you need to do to not be hated is simply being a decent human being.
Do you think it's hard for the men collective to achieve the goal of being decent human beings and that's why you are so concerned?
You don't have to work on that, but you do have to work on yourself. What you said is an example of internalised misogyny, and it is part of the problem.
I'm very sorry for the actions of some men, but neither of us can control that. What we can control is how we react to it.
It's not the fact that you're saying men should change; it's the fact that you're generalising.
By saying that all men are evil, you're letting individual men off the hook, and you're perpetuating the very problem you claim to be fighting against.
No one should have to prove they're an exception to a hateful statement.
I understand and validate your feelings, which is why I care so much about telling you about the misogyny you've internalised.
I don't see you as a prejudiced bitch; I see someone who has been victimised and hurt, and who has turned that hurt into something that will harm you and other women.
I understand it's exhausting, and I don't mean to attack. I just want to see you heal. Don't you think this has taken enough from you?
If you think that being a decent person towards other humans is "proving yourself" then I don't know what to tell you. That's the bare minimum in human convivence, yet we are discussing about my mysoginy because I dared to say that if a man is a POS towards women, he's going to be hated.
You're the one who said men have to prove themselves to be decent human beings in order to deserve not to be hated, so don't turn around and put your words in someone else's mouth for refuting your point.
"Decent human beings" don't walk around with a neon sign that says "I'm a decent human being." So how do you expect them to prove that? Going out of their way to do performative actions for literally every stranger they encounter, because otherwise the default is for those strangers to assume they're a terrible person? That makes no sense.
The whole point of the "all men are potentially dangerous" argument is that you can't tell at a glance who's safe and who isn't. You're conveniently ignoring that point in all these mental contortions you're going through to justify your hatred.
That's not what you said. You said all men are going to be hated and that that's fine, and that if they want to not be hated then they have to somehow prove that they aren't a piece of shit. That's completely different from saying men shouldn't be hated by default, but if they're a piece of shit then it's okay to hate them.
And you never addressed how you expect men to prove they're not a piece of shit. Carry around a card that says "Certified NAH by women!"? Wear an official armband that says "Not an Asshole"?
Do they have to prove it to everyone they meet individually, for the rest of their lives? Or can they prove it just once and for all and be done with it? Do they have to recertify every few years or so?
Face it, you're being a bigot. And now matter how much you try to oversimplify the issue by saying "just do this and you'll be fine," you're no different from a racist who tells brown people "just prove that you're one of the good ones and then I won't hate you."
You didn't say that. There is a difference between assuming someone is a bad person and making exceptions if they prove you wrong, vs noting who is a bad person and treating them accordingly. This difference in default assumptions is the basis of prejudice.
I didn't? Wait, let me check a second...
There it is. Do you find it that hard to treat others with respect?
The fact that you are all trying to fight me over this as if I was asking the impossible to not hate men is the fucking reason why women pick the damn bear in the forest dilemma.
You are angry because a rando on the internet told you that if you don't want women to hate you, you need to treat them as a decent human being. That's all.
This is embarrassing.
I am not angry. I am slightly frustrated that this exact conversation keeps happening and that you are choosing to levy mild accusations at me but I feel no personal stake in this because we do not know each other.
Anyways, what I said was that you are making the default assumption that a man is bad, and then allowing good men to be exceptions to this rule. The quote you provided agrees with that. This is not the same thing as the causal relationship in your later statement that "if a man is a POS towards women, he’s going to be hated", where you do not assume someone is a bad person by default. I think assuming someone is a bad person by default is a bad practice because it leads one to treat other people badly if they are not familiar with them.
I think it's clear now that she is not yet in a place for personal growth and the emotions are still too raw. Unfortunately there's no way to proceed further without a level of fundamental trust that has been poisoned.
I appreciate your effort regardless. Kindness really is punk.
I would never defend an awful man. I agree that if someone is not treating a woman properly, they should face consequences.
Decency and respect are the bare minimum that anyone should expect. What I was trying to articulate, perhaps poorly, is that I'm okay with holding people accountable as long as they are the ones perpetrating the actions. I misinterpreted your previous statement as being about holding people accountable for actions not of their own making.
I need to apologise. I had to think about it, and I also think I misspoke. I don't think it would be classified as internalised misogyny, and it was harmful to paint it as such.
What I meant to say is that a blanket statement like 'all men are evil' unintentionally props up structures that normalise misogyny.
However, I should note that I understand that this was not your intention, and that the statement is more a reflection on the treatment of trans people, and the line of thinking applied to them.