this post was submitted on 03 Sep 2025
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Funhole
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That's the greatest mystery of the hole. I remember it being a video of it. Like a highly consuming computer boxes use. Like what the fuck. Like we should investigate that incredible qrstuv capacity. Or maybe it's just random randomness like a high temperature param on a box's interpreter the fact that fuck they have a video of a beige computer on a tractor waiting lurking in some drive for that exact fun hole moment. We should all have gone cosmic horror level mad as it happened. And maybe we are.
Okay. Now I'm plunged into the most terrifying of unbearable fears.
It’s day 17—or maybe it isn’t. I don’t know what time is anymore, or what it means. They’re everywhere. I thought we got rid of them with the broom, but they’re back. I tried to flee, but there’s no escape. They know where I am at all times. They know where I’m going before I do. It’s like there’s a GPS chip with 5G, a mic, and my entire browser history in my pocket, and something is sending it all to them constantly.
Beige computers. They’re winning. My only hope is that some AI-broken Windows update will take them down long enough for me to disappear. Off the grid. But where? They’re everywhere.
Later. Maybe there’s a solution. Someone seems to have the power to summon them at will. They’re planting beige everywhere to spy on me. But how do I stop them?
All I know is a pseudonym: “qrstuv.” And I fear the rest of the alphabet is with them too. Alphabet. Everything is connected.
Focus. I can find qrstuv, ask them to stop. But where? How? They didn’t respond to the interview for the last Funhole release. All I have is some cryptic content inspired by their childhood as an egg.
Maybe I should go back to see Dr. Justin Case. He’s so charismatic, he could drop me some pills. Clear my head.
Is the Funhole a rabbit hole? Should I send a bun alert? Who will answer?