me_irl

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me irl (lemmy.radio)

submitted 1 day ago by sanitation@lemmy.radio to c/me_irl@lemmy.world

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 4 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

It's weird, because I've found looking for people to date very difficult. But I've found looking for people to chill with and have fun comparatively easy.

And occasionally, that friendship turns into a romance, which is an added bonus.

[–] VirtigoMommy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

I really haven’t bothered to date in years for above stated reasons. When I meet new people, my intent is usually to get to know them and try to connect in some way. People tend to push to partner up or fuck within a few weeks of meeting and it’s almost invariably a resounding no from me. After that, ime, people don’t usually care to hang/ get to or get to know each other and either ghost or play endless phone tag until it’s not worth continuing. Add in me being a trans woman and the fact that 90% of men I meet online love to open with dick pics, VERY explicit flirting, or awkward confessional questions… and the men I meet irl are…. 😮‍💨 it’s like they’re racing the bar to the center of the earth.

There have been two people that I ended up with a much deeper connection with than expected over the last 3-4 years or so and both of those have turned into beautiful lasting friendships. Those are cherished and fulfilling in their own right but deeper romance feels like a pipe dream at this point.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago

People tend to push to partner up or fuck within a few weeks of meeting and it’s almost invariably a resounding no from me. After that, ime, people don’t usually care to hang/ get to or get to know each other and either ghost or play endless phone tag until it’s not worth continuing.

So, I'll admit I'm an Elder Millennial with a more archaic experience. But I did notice that hooking up (or trying to) inside the first three dates was a bad sign for the relationship.

That said, I've also found - personally and through friends - that you kinda have to mix and mingle until you find someone who clicks. And most people won't. But the ones that do - even if the relationship doesn't last - are people you can keep being friends with for the rest of your life.

I'll also say that attitudes around monogamy - especially early in a relationship - are all the fuck over the place. "Wait, are we exclusive or not?" is a conversation that has ended badly for a lot of people I know.

There have been two people that I ended up with a much deeper connection with than expected over the last 3-4 years or so and both of those have turned into beautiful lasting friendships. Those are cherished and fulfilling in their own right but deeper romance feels like a pipe dream at this point.

I mean that's about my average as well. Every couple of years I meet someone I really connect with. And then the game becomes finding time to be with these people as often as possible (which distance and free time, etc, can complicate).

But over a lifetime? That can add up to a lot of people. And you really only need one to click hard enough to be a spouse