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(CW: Passive Suicidal Ideation) What's the Point of Waking Up If the Days Will Make Me Feel Unwelcome? (lemmygrad.ml)

submitted 2 days ago by asdasd201@lemmygrad.ml to c/comradeship@lemmygrad.ml

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I apologize for not being able to elaborate further on that because the words that come to my mind refuse to form coherent sentences.

All I can say is that the question in the title has been running in my head straight for a month now. It can be one of those days, or I start to stagger under the weight of my mental luggage.

PS, I'm seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist if anyone wonders.

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[–] chinawatcherwatcher@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

is there something external in your life (currently or historically) that makes you feel unwelcome, or is it primarily an internal feeling?

[–] asdasd201@lemmygrad.ml 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

After taking my meds and speaking with my therapist for a while, I realized that I'm not living the life the way I want to. I'm considering changing my major. I haven't decided what I really want to study, but I know what I don't want to.

But here's the catch: if I take the entrance exam and enter the major I wanted, I will endlessly get criticized for not graduating and getting a job already. I cannot afford to move out because even when I work at a dead-end job, I cannot rent even a chicken coop with the wage. I pretty much feel stuck right now.

[–] chinawatcherwatcher@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

that makes a lot of sense now that you've explained it. it's a shame that we're all encouraged to know exactly what we want to do before we've really even grown up all the way. i've definitely changed tracks and been burned for it in the past, but it's still worth it i think. and, it definitely feels bad to be belittled and invalidated but the most important validation comes from inside imo.

hope your situation gets better or at least moves towards resolution over time. it's unlikely that you'll feel stuck forever, for what it's worth.

[–] asdasd201@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 2 days ago

First, thank you for your kind words. That is one of the reasons for me to feel that way, but I still continue on my newfound path.