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(CW: Passive Suicidal Ideation) What's the Point of Waking Up If the Days Will Make Me Feel Unwelcome? (lemmygrad.ml)

submitted 2 days ago by asdasd201@lemmygrad.ml to c/comradeship@lemmygrad.ml

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I apologize for not being able to elaborate further on that because the words that come to my mind refuse to form coherent sentences.

All I can say is that the question in the title has been running in my head straight for a month now. It can be one of those days, or I start to stagger under the weight of my mental luggage.

PS, I'm seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist if anyone wonders.

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[–] durduramayacaklar@lemmygrad.ml 1 points 18 hours ago

bourgeoisie will make you depressed and they will profit off from it. I've been into same thoughts comrade. You can retreat, be defeated, exhausted. Instead of searching happiness or trying to be act in a way search for a struggle than you can defeat.

We all wants to live a simple life like all others do but we have a historical duty to prepare these material conditions for all of us.

We don't have an other option than organizing. Find, comrades like yourself and struggle for overthrowing this child murderer billionaire class.

[–] ForNow@lemmygrad.ml 11 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Capitalism is an alienating and dehumanizing system. It would be strange NOT to be depressed in these circumstances. That means you are human.

I think that it is healthy to be intellectually, socially, and physically active. Scientists studying rats in cages consistently find that the rats in cages with toys and other rats are healthier and smarter than the rats without stimulation. Get involved with an activist group. Have friends over. Go for a walk. Read a good book.

Then also, progress is the key to happiness. Whatever your goals are, you haven't accomplished them yet, YET. Keep repeating that word: Yet. Take steps towards your goals every day so you have something to show for all this struggling.

I hope it gets better. Your twenties are hard, don't let anyone lie to you that they're the best times.

[–] asdasd201@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 1 day ago

Thanks for your kind advice. I already have a small friend group I hang out with randomly, and I used to help organize comrades before I got brutalized. I'm pretty sure it will get better after my full recovery.

[–] chinawatcherwatcher@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

is there something external in your life (currently or historically) that makes you feel unwelcome, or is it primarily an internal feeling?

[–] asdasd201@lemmygrad.ml 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

After taking my meds and speaking with my therapist for a while, I realized that I'm not living the life the way I want to. I'm considering changing my major. I haven't decided what I really want to study, but I know what I don't want to.

But here's the catch: if I take the entrance exam and enter the major I wanted, I will endlessly get criticized for not graduating and getting a job already. I cannot afford to move out because even when I work at a dead-end job, I cannot rent even a chicken coop with the wage. I pretty much feel stuck right now.

[–] chinawatcherwatcher@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

that makes a lot of sense now that you've explained it. it's a shame that we're all encouraged to know exactly what we want to do before we've really even grown up all the way. i've definitely changed tracks and been burned for it in the past, but it's still worth it i think. and, it definitely feels bad to be belittled and invalidated but the most important validation comes from inside imo.

hope your situation gets better or at least moves towards resolution over time. it's unlikely that you'll feel stuck forever, for what it's worth.

[–] asdasd201@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 1 day ago

First, thank you for your kind words. That is one of the reasons for me to feel that way, but I still continue on my newfound path.