Ask Lemmygrad

I have a better relationship with one parent than the other, but in both cases, I struggle to do the "I love you" thing. I think for me it's twofold: 1) Those words feel weighty to me so it feels dishonest or cheap somehow to say them in an off-handed way if I'm not feeling it in the moment. 2) It feels like a very vulnerable place to go because of how I see the words, so then it's like a more sensitive headspace to get into, which feels like an odd prospect for shooting it off at the end of a phone call or whatever.

Like I don't have anything against people using it in a casual, affirming way, but the idea of me doing that with others just feels weird. Maybe if I was generally happier, it'd come out more easily, I dunno. But I do know that I've experienced loss before and I definitely cared and still care, so it's not like I don't care about losing loved ones. Just that specific social ritual does not come naturally to me for some reason.