this post was submitted on 30 Jun 2026
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10 years ago I told my girlfriend I'd get her to admit she's beautiful one day. She's my wife now, and I still haven't managed it. I'm glad she's going to therapy now to try to get a better self image, but I'd have kept trying for the rest of my life regardless.
You haven't tried the classic "if you're beautiful say what"?
I almost got her with something similar a couple days ago, but she caught on.
What?
"Huh? No."
I tell my husband he sees with the eyes of love. Of course what he sees is better than what I see, but I still think I'm closer to objective about my looks. So while I absolutely appreciate his perception of my looks, no I don't trust it.
ETA I am not unconfident about my looks. Fine going out in the world, feel good enough. I just know what I see doesn't align with what he sees.
Yeah, my wife will often respond with "I know you think I'm beautiful" which I think means the same thing. But that's kinda the point - beauty isn't objective. If someone can see you're beautiful, that means you're beautiful, because humans are the ones who made up the concept of beauty, so we get to decide what meets the "beautiful" cutoff. Now, yes, that means you can decide that you don't meet the cutoff, but why do that?
I tell her nearly every day, my kids have joined in. She still refuses to believe it.
maybe try asking if she trusts your (and your kids) judgement, if she says yes follow up with the compliment
If she says no maybe try to direct it like everything you say is wrong and then give a very obvious "anti-compliment"
It should at least give a new reaction