I'm not the artist, TinyBaer is Source
this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2026
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I had a conversation with a guy at a gay bar years ago and we chatted about hearing these comments a lot because we didn't act camp or have "that voice", and weren't seen as LGBT at all by a lot of people unless it came up. Turned out he was the owner of the place and had been active in setting up the LGBT+ scene there for decades but still had this happen.
Is that a bad thing? Knowing if you're gay or not in casual conversation is weird. It just means you guys are normal ass dudes who happen to have a different sexual preference, it isn't like some crazy defining factor or your life.
I think media pushes this narrative that unless you're covered in rainbow shit 24/7 and acting flamboyant you're secretly ashamed or something, which is total bullshit.
My mom is 73 and just married a woman 3 months ago, after being married to my dad for 25 years and being single for like 15 years. She definitely isn't ashamed because people don't instantly know she's gay, nor does she care. She owns a few pride things and that's about it. Because she's a normal woman who happens to have a different sexual preference. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being "normal" and gay.
It was more other people being surprised because they had the idea that everyone who was gay was flamboyant, not us thinking it was a bad thing ourselves or wishing we were different. We were both happy with ourselves, just amused about stereotypes persisting.
I agree, I'm glad that perception is less prevalent now though I did also have an ex manager that was homophobic in that exact way a couple of years ago.
Its hard to take off a mask youve been wearing for decades.
But also, sometimes it isn't a mask, it's just that a person doesn't come off particularly gay. I'm not one of those people by a long shot, my whole style comes off lez as fuck (especially when I femme it up) and IDK how I'd even start to try to come off as less gay, but I've had plenty of friends and mentors who are being exactly themselves you'd only know they're queer because they told you.
Hell it was a thing in my family to joke about how my uncle was the most generically masculine man in the family, meanwhile he'd spent most of his adult life heavily involved in queer community and activism. Meanwhile his husband read as gay from across the room.