Found this article posted to another community, and thought to cross post it here.
The gist of the article is that girls suffer in silence because they don't match the profile of boys with ADHD, but i found myself relating to it very much, even though I'm not a girl, and my parents did know pretty early.
Key Paragraph:
And like many other issues regarding mental health, hiding only makes it worse. The effort to perform as neurotypical is more common among girls and begins in early adolescence. A girl will study how other kids behave and copy it, suppressing the urge to move and turning a fear of mistakes into perfectionism that, from the outside, reads as being a strong student. The research on the cost is consistent: higher camouflaging tracks with greater anxiety, depression, and lower quality of life. By June, the reserves are gone, and the mask that is held through every class period tends to shatter the moment she feels safe, usually at home.
So i spent my childhood trying to fit in but also be myself. My parents were pretty sure i had ADD (inattentive) by first grade, because I was a boy, and i didn't really pay attention in normal ways and never really understood why i should do what everybody else was doing in school, or even notice that it was time to do that.
But as I grew up and especially in high school, i tried my best to work super hard and try to be smart and get good grades (one of my biggest innovations was to do my homework on the bus every day before i got home from school and got distracted) but also i got in the habit of guilt tripping myself to get work done, "stop being lazy, etc.,"
This worked until it didn't and i burn out pretty hard and got pneumonia as my body physically collapsed under the pressure of junior year. I'd say that set the tone for my life since then -- try to do a good job, lose energy and fail.
My life recently has been about trying to relearn how to be productive and still be true to myself while also dealing with all the baggage from trying to force myself to achieve good grades and do the best i could.
Can anyone relate to this broadly? Have you found anything to help you understand it or overcome it?
Was socialized/seen as a girl growing up but got Dx’d like three different times in childhood and got prescribed meds exactly zero times because ??? They seemed to think it was just something I could “get over.” I was still expected to be the A+ overachieving student even though I openly resisted.
I think part of it may be socialization but it doesn’t always fall across gendered lines. Some folks who are quieter/more anxious/more prone to people pleasing will fall into that masking category. It also probably comes down to people who have parents with unfairly high expectations of their children.
Outside of getting meds my methods of coping are mostly paring down what my commitments are and forcing myself to give myself grace when I’m not perfect.
“Reasonable accommodations” apply to both workplace/school AND at home. What works for you also will probably change, a lot. That’s part of having ADHD unfortunately.
Here I am at 51 100% convinced I suffer from some form of adhd, but also unwilling to get tested at this age.
Go get tested. Your ADHD is the obstacle to you getting tested! Starting tasks sucks, right? Ever feel paralyzed like you actually can't do something? Even something simple, like the dishes or taking a walk. Ever experience extreme mood swings based on little things, or feel like everyone else seems to have an easier time doing, well, everything? Do you find it hard to reach out to people? Even ones you like or love? Racing thoughts? Always-on worst case scenario generator in your head?
I had it all in spades. Never diagnosed because I was oh-so-very promising and smart and anything I couldn't or didn't do was laziness, stubbornness. I got my diagnosis very late. Well after school and first jobs. Took a year of therapy and I still didn't wanna try the pills. I'm not broken, right? I should be able to do this myself.
It's night and day now. I will sing the praises of medication until the cows come home. I can call the doctor. Schedule the oil change. I can reach out. I maintain a journal and a planner, something I have not been able to do for 30 years, despite desperately wanting to. It's harder to overwhelm me now. Even days I don't take my meds are better.
There is no reason you should have to continue suffering, and there's a solid chance you don't know how much you are suffering because you have never known anything else.
Hell even if you don't have ADHD, you'll learn something about yourself and be better for it. If you're American, I hope you can afford it. It's worth it. If you're not American, then what are you waiting for? ❤️