Found this article posted to another community, and thought to cross post it here.
The gist of the article is that girls suffer in silence because they don't match the profile of boys with ADHD, but i found myself relating to it very much, even though I'm not a girl, and my parents did know pretty early.
Key Paragraph:
And like many other issues regarding mental health, hiding only makes it worse. The effort to perform as neurotypical is more common among girls and begins in early adolescence. A girl will study how other kids behave and copy it, suppressing the urge to move and turning a fear of mistakes into perfectionism that, from the outside, reads as being a strong student. The research on the cost is consistent: higher camouflaging tracks with greater anxiety, depression, and lower quality of life. By June, the reserves are gone, and the mask that is held through every class period tends to shatter the moment she feels safe, usually at home.
So i spent my childhood trying to fit in but also be myself. My parents were pretty sure i had ADD (inattentive) by first grade, because I was a boy, and i didn't really pay attention in normal ways and never really understood why i should do what everybody else was doing in school, or even notice that it was time to do that.
But as I grew up and especially in high school, i tried my best to work super hard and try to be smart and get good grades (one of my biggest innovations was to do my homework on the bus every day before i got home from school and got distracted) but also i got in the habit of guilt tripping myself to get work done, "stop being lazy, etc.,"
This worked until it didn't and i burn out pretty hard and got pneumonia as my body physically collapsed under the pressure of junior year. I'd say that set the tone for my life since then -- try to do a good job, lose energy and fail.
My life recently has been about trying to relearn how to be productive and still be true to myself while also dealing with all the baggage from trying to force myself to achieve good grades and do the best i could.
Can anyone relate to this broadly? Have you found anything to help you understand it or overcome it?
It's awful for anyone with any neurodivergence.
"You HAVE to fit in or be ostracized" - So we try, some of us end up hating this mask we're forced to put up in order to appease the normies and the cultural norms, I certainly hated mine and hate places where I have to put it up. Seeing through the bullshit of many norms makes fitting in even more challenging.
Schools and culture as a whole aren't teaching kids to understand and respect different behaviors (within reason, obviously, disruptive behaviors shouldn't be ignored), only to enforce existing social norms, ridiculing and excluding those that fall out of it until they comply or go away.
I suppose another thing that makes it worse for girls is that they don't have as much leeway in expected behavior as boys do. Girl groups can be much more cruel with their peers than boys
Something that might be helpful for people with ADHD or other neurodivergences, is habits through repetition. You have to create good habits, especially of the things you know are good for you - drinking water, exercise, cleaning your home, study. The bad news is that creating habits is hard and can take 6 months or more, depending on the activity. The struggle is real and I keep failing in creating some good habits for myself :/