hi to all of you! while this community isn't particularly alive, I was hoping I could write up something on here and maybe get some traction anyway. or at least vent!
my twin brother has had a backslide recently with alcohol abuse after spending time with my parents (who themselves are quite active in their own abuse), and I'm doing my best to be there for him. he's been struggling since we were kids at 15 - he's managed to go many months without drinking before, but he often falls back, especially as a social crutch. it's tough feeling like I'm the only support he has. he's been actively seeing therapists for a long time, but lacks a community of support. he's been trying really hard to reconnect with the LGBT community in our city but I think he's still stuck on the outskirts and hasn't made any strong connections.
with regards to his recent episode - he had just started developing a friendship with his neighbour, but then last night after an emotional trigger, he binge drank and harassed her and his other neighbours on his floor at 1:00 AM, demanding their company by banging on their doors. it's horrendous but I also can sense that he wanted some kind of social support. understandably, they were quite upset by his behaviour and are distancing themselves. it sucks seeing him wanting badly to make social connections, but his toxic way of doing so pushes them away.
so! what approach do any of you guys recommend family and loved ones take to help support their family through quitting alcohol? I've been trying to help him for a very very long time; I really want to help him change his mindset from "I'll just quit for a little bit" to "I need to quit forever". christmas and new years is a difficult time of year for drinking, which he'll be spending with me and my partner's family for the first time and I'm quite nervous about navigating that as well.
Good luck, I mean it. Caring and seeking to understand is a core first step. I'm not sure I have any sage advise but one thing that stood out to me is needing to quit "forever". That's a really big commitment. A lot of us are able to chain together single days that add up to bigger numbers. Forever is a long time, but a day is doable. Finding positive connections is a big deal and will help them on their journey. It's tough to find good ones, but they exist.
Hugely agree on what you say about forever. I touch on this in my own gargantuan reply to this post — specifically how quitting something you're addicted to can feel like an "all-or-nothing" endeavour that leads to relapses being huge, catastrophic events, rather than a near inevitable part of the recovery process.
It took me about 2 years before i would even say out loud 'oh i dont drink anymore'. Now it's easy, because I believe it. Also, my parents have now stopped drinking, which is huge! I imagine my stopping influenced them, even though we have never discussed it.