this post was submitted on 14 Dec 2025
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Autism
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thank you. I was having that friggin' moment where you're not sure if someone's back chatting you or you're just ASD skating past some hidden meaning in their comments - the whole damned thread was "everyone has this, you're not special" then why are we the ones getting pathologised for it???
It especially sucks when there's only a particular energy range in which you can control your tone and volume. If I'm too tired, distracted, or stressed, people think I'm upset at them. If I'm excited (usually when around a friend I'm in-tune with), I become too loud. I often don't notice these changes. When I'm excited, I appreciate someone politely informing me that I'm being too loud. But when I'm stressed, I don't have the mental bandwith to modulate my tone. Harping on me about it, or holding it against me, is only going to escalate the issue.
I've learned to outright tell people, "Don't worry, I'm not upset at you. I'm just stressed."
Unfortunately, when I'm past my limit and I desperately need help, I can barely communicate at all. This came up a few months ago at a new job. I was having a shut down and barely squeaked out an, "I need help" while looking at two managers. They looked me in the eye, then completely ignored me. After that I took heavy breaths to try to regulate myself. Unfortunately, the managers mistook my behavior for impatience (they even called my breathing "huffy"), and shortly after they wrote me up for "unprofessionalism."
I was so upset, when I went home I wrote my perspective of the situation. I even included a comic that illustrated what it's like in my brain when I get overwhelmed. I presented it to the top management in my center in an emotional roller coaster of an essay, where I explained that I can't always control my tone, and how I can lose the ability to speak if the stress gets too high. Thank goodness, they were receptive!
Later that same week, we had a meeting with the entire center. The topic was "Professionalism." At first, my heart sank, expecting to feel horrible all over again.
But to my incredible relief, "helping a teammate who's struggling" was highlighted as a core pillar of "professionalism." I was shocked to be vindicated. I've never had someone stick up for me like that, it's still kind of hard for me to believe it happened.
Ugh I feel you. When I hit the limit my vocal subprocessor just shuts right the fuck down. And of course especially in moments in high emotion everyone is TALK TO ME and it's like I literally friggin' can't and your insistence is NOT HELPING.
That workplace is a helluva keeper. And they're right, professionalism is leaving your own biases at the door, which includes neurotypical ones. It's just rare to see it actually applied!
Ugh, this is the worst. Like, I don’t want to appear snippy to those who are trying to help me, but insisting I talk in that moment is going to guarantee “an attitude” in my tone and words that don’t make sense (and that I can’t explain in the moment.) As well, every word I utter will feel “wrong” in my heart, only being emitted due to coersion, soon to be followed by regret. All because language production in my brain has checked out - my mind’s too fogged to edit my speech properly, and I can’t access the words that fit appropriately. So any word salad that comes out will be more confusing than silence.
Then when my tone is off, I feel bad for making other people feel bad, and it’s a vicious cycle of stress and self-disgust.
After the event mentioned in my last comment, the upper management directly asked how they could help me in those times. I said, “Don’t try to make me talk. Instead, get me somewhere where I can be alone for a few minutes.” So that’s the plan in place now.
God damn you have the workplace of dreams